The Genius of Madison Avenue

I often like to stop and analyze what advertizing sales pitches are really saying. It's usually quite laughable and/or insulting.

"New and Improved!"

So what was that crap by the same name you sold us last week?

"The 2007 Bilgewater Sedan has been totally restyled and re-engineered!"

So the 2006 model was as dependable as a 1983 Yugo? At least the 2007 version is restyled to look like one. (D'ja ever notice that all the styles of the 1960's, 70's, and 80's keep coming back into fashion?)

"Pure South African Hoodia!"

These miraculous weight loss pills are some of my favorites. They say, "You fat sow, too lazy and undisciplined enough to do anything about it. Why don't you be more like this anorexic model with a boob job in the bikini here?"

Just the name, Hoodia, makes me laugh. Long ago I used to say to Mom, "Ok, Mom, I'm takin' off now". Her reply was usually something like, "You just be careful WHAT you take off!" If she would have been familiar with this commercial she might have said, "You just be careful... you never know where THAT Hoodia has been!"

At any rate, when I hear a commercial like 'Pure South African Hoodia', I stand in a defiant salute that consists of belly roll grabbing while standing at attention.

To most of these inane sales pitches I say, "You can take your pure South African vegetable and stick it right back up your Hoodia!... Or Dr. Phil's Hoodia... Or even Oprah's Hoodia!" (It has been estimated that Dr. Phil's Hoodia is 75% larger than Oprah's.)

Some may think that Madison Avenue has been named after President James Madison. I really suspect, however, that it was named after Alfred E. Newman, Jr.