I'm Offended!

How on earth can we allow some small-minded knucklehead be invited here and preach religion in this secular planet? Doesn't the U.N. separate church and one-world state?

I'm working with my E.C.L.U. lawyers to litigate against Chavez. I am hoping to get control of Venezuela's oil fields as compensation for the emotional distress that Hugo's comments have inflicted upon me.

My detractors have already leveled the charge of 'suit for oil' against me. But, in truth, the damage to my psyche may be irreparable and Chavez must be punished. Hey, if I own the oilfields, I, will give cut-rate cooking fuel prices for the poor majority in Venezuela and make sure that every Venezuelan has a wok.

Surely, you can now see that I act only for social justice for all of mankind and not out of selfish ambition.