Friday, October 06, 2006

Modernizing Voter Registration and Immigration Policy

The time has finally come. After years of struggle with the help of highly technological forensics (as seen on TV) we have proven that there is no God, that humans are descendents of and closely related to Treponema pallidum, and that the First Amendment of the Bill of Rights actually does say 'separation of church and state'. Who knew the framers had invisible ink available in the later 18th Century? All other primary source documentation that appears to dispute the 'separation' interpretation from the founding era have proven to be forgeries by an ancestor of Dan Rather.

Now we can freely step away from the antiquated morals of that 'shitty book' and slide into the advanced modernity equal to that of Western Europe or even the ancient civilizations of the Egypt, Bablyon, or Persia.

The Pledge of Allegiance can now state, "One Nation under Squat," and our currency, "E Unum Pluribus." The caricatures on our bills and coinage will be converted from Washington, Jefferson, Hamilton, and Jackson (who were more than likely Christians) to those of Madeline Murray O'Hare, Stephen Hawking, Fidel Castro, and Michael Moore. San Antonio and San Francisco will become Antonio and Francisco respectively. Los Angeles will become Los Ratoncitos Fuertes de Abuelo Juan.

These cosmetic changes will be accompanied by a modernized voter registration system. Due to the separation of church and state, Christians will not be allowed to vote. Since their voting selections would be instructed by their faith, this must be prohibited. They must keep their votes limited to church on Sundays concerning matters of elections of elders, deacons, or carpet color.

The Mexican border must also be closed to immigration at all costs. Almost all Mexicans are Roman Catholic and will taint our society with all that impudent 'crossing' of themselves.

At this point our culture will be able to advance and 'be all we can be'. The sky will be the limit. Well, the sky AND the reach of the bullets from the barrels of all-powerful government guns unencumbered by conscience.

No comments: