Friday, December 29, 2006

Tips for 2007 Resolutions

R. Andrew Newman offers some tips on New Year's resolution making:

"The goal should be achievable."

"The goal should be significant."

"In other words, it might be too easy for a buoy whose favorite fruit is hops to resolve that his motto for the Year of Our Lord 2007 will be "Beer me PDQ!""

"Lastly, a goal should be measurable. Vague resolutions won't cut it. "I'm going to be a better person." Now, of course, this is nifty idea, but it needs to be quantified and scored. Think of it as a contest. Better: "When driving and I happen upon a less than skilled motorist, I'll refrain from questioning the honor of his mother or the legitimacy of his birth." The success and failure can be tracked on a weekly or even daily basis."

"What about "I want to stop eating so much"? For the horizontally challenged, this would be a healthy resolution, but again still too vague. Better: "I'll stop treating Cheez Whiz as a beverage." The intake of processed cheese in a semi-liquid state can be monitored."

R. Andrew Newman? Randrew Newman? Randy Newman?

"They got little baby legs
That stand so low
You got to pick 'em up
Just to say hello
They got little cars
That go beep, beep, beep
They got little voices
Goin' peep, peep, peep
Well, I don't want no Short People
Don't want no Short People
Don't want no Short People
'Round here
They got grubby little fingers
And dirty little minds
They're gonna get you every time
Well, I don't want no Short People
Don't want no Short People
Don't want no Short People
'Round here"

Sounds like a resolution that Todd and Lance might have once made, but Lance blew it with MJ (who is only 5'11") and (some of) the rugrats.

For 2007, I resolve to post more than Grandpa John, Todd, and Lance on this blog. It is achievable and measurable.


Al said...

You gotta set your sites higher than that, man.

Steve said...

The implied resolution... Shame and cajole my cohorts into writing more.