"Because My 12hp, Two-Stage Snowthrower Wouldn't Start"

As Gaius states, "When snow shovels are outlawed only outlaws will have snow shovels."

Beaten and bloodied by his own snow shovel.

[...]The women were unloading groceries when the thieves tried to steal two purses from their cart.

One of the women grabbed a shovel from the suspects' pickup and smacked one of the men upside the head. The other woman jumped into the cab and attacked the other suspect, then grabbed the keys so he couldn't drive away.[...]

[...]required staples to close the gash in his head. (Must've had an Easy Button.)

No, I don't want to meet YOU in St. Louis!