The Big Fix

Hi, I'm T. Bone Pickens. I've been using energy all mah life.

Our country is in crisis; a crisis of energy. Presently we get much of our oil from Mexico and Canada. In return, Mexico illegally sends a flood of immigrants. Canada is returning a flood of unconscious war objectors and refusing to take Hollywood dissidents.

We must do something and do it now. I propose a series of offshore wells equipped with wind turbines, solar cells, and substructure atomic power plants. While drilling and using atomic power, we can also produce electricity with the wind turbines during the hundreds of man-made global warming hurricanes. On the excruciatingly hot sunny days we can produce electricity with the solar panels.

But we must begin now. Please send your checks to Steve Burri, c/o Grandpa John's and we will show those Mexicans and Canadians.