All the News (Making the News)
That's Fit to Print (From Hissy Fit to Print)

Editorial meeting at major MSM paper:

"We have received credible information that Cindy McCain offered these statements during a recent interview."

“We have this ritual in the morning. They [the children] come in my bed, and Dad isn’t there — because he’s too snore-y and stinky, they don’t want to ever get into bed with him."

"We need to expand this story and place it on page one above the fold."

"McCain forces family to bear his incredible body odor and halitosis, much akin to an 8 year old fish wrapped in paper. He never showers or brushes his dentures."

"His snoring can be described as piggish and no amount of lipstick has been able to alter this porcine orchestra. The neighbors near all their many houses often complain to the local police."

"Quote our medical/psychiatric consultant as determining that McCain's rapidly declining mental state has caused him to lust after incest with his daughters, so they don't like to 'get into bed with him.'

"Write it up and off to the presses."

"Yes, you in the back."

"Sir, I believe that those quotes were actually given by Michelle Obama about Barack in a February interview with Glamour magazine."1

"Uhhhh... hold the presses. We will make a few minor corrective revisions and print the new version."

"Michelle, Barack's adoring wife, tells reporters that her husband works so long and hard for the good of the American people, both at home and abroad, that he is often too tired to even shower after burning gallons of midnight oil."

"Our medical consultant will state that his great concerns for America's welfare causes him to sleep poorly and this tension causes a slight snoring while fitfully dozing."

"His children don't wish to disturb his needful rest, knowing that, even in his sleep, Daddy is working on making this country at least as good as it once was."

"Page one... GO!!"

"Yes, you over there."

"One of our gaggle of lawyers found a man in Idaho who claims to have heard Sarah Heath (Palin) fart during a lecture in college. He also says that she threatened to 'gut him like a fish' if he ever told anyone."

"Great! Find out how many people were killed or hospitalized from the noxious fumes."

"He will only talk further if he is offered witness protection."

"Where's he want to go, Frostbite Falls, Minnesota?"

"He says he could come and work here with us 'cause nobody pays any attention to us anymore."

"Smart a** b**tard, write up the story, including his location, and 'leak' it in an e-mail to Palin."