-I don't have the time to quantify, but I was wondering which is the bigger news story today; Hurricane Ike aiming at Galveston and Houston or Hurricane Sarah now projected to hit Washington, D.C.? The Ike storm surge is expected to be 20 feet or more. Sarah's surge has only been 10 points, but that is above the successful surge in Iraq. Galveston is toast. Houston, unlike New Orleans, is above sea level. Washington was built in a swamp and is filled with reptiles and snakes to this day. Residents of the Southeast Texas coast are evacuating. Perhaps the Democrats in Washington should do the same.
-Who has benefited the from the selection of Sarah Palin? Surprisingly, it has not been John McCain, the Republicans, or its Conservative branch. It is the National Hockey League.
In response, the NHL has made a uniform rule change. All participating skaters will now be wearing lipstick during games and interviews.
Seven NHL teams have petitioned to the league office to change their team names to 'The Pit Bulls.'
Nine teams have hired a Sarah Palin look-alike to wear a 'Hockey Mom' sweatshirt and mingle with the fans.
To cut down on penalties, the offenders will be required to listen to Al Gore speeches during their time in the penalty box. (The players' union is appealing that rule as cruel and unusual punishment.)
The league is considering changing the name of the championship trophy from Lord Stanley's Cup to Lady Palin's .30-06.
-The NBA's Minnesota Timberwolves have also requested a name change out of fear of culling. (The league office is expected to deny the request since the Timberwolves have a long history of culling themselves nearly to extinction already and have long been considered endangered.)
(In order to avoid the extremely harsh penalties threatened by Dr. Sanity, I am required by self-preservation to link back to her Carnival of the Insanities.)