Thursday, April 16, 2009


It seemed a bit unusual to me that over the last couple of days there has been an increase of black surveillance Priuses situated at selected spots around our house. A couple of spooked researchers in our secret basement laboratory took the situation into their own hands. While one of the 'observers' in one of the cars went on a donut run, our researchers gassed and absconded with the other to interrogate in our dungeon. Using various proprietary methods, these scientists made some interesting finds.

The Department of Homeland Security has had our number since the Obama inauguration. We were identified as extremist haters through yard signs and blog posts. But the latest increase in activity was caused through the monitoring of a short series of e-mails.

(Since the past three generations of Burris contained a total of six veterans; three Navy and three Army, there has always been a bit of rivalry between the service members.)

After the Navy successfully dispatched three Pirates on Easter Sunday, I, retired Army, graciously offered Grandpa Jerry, retired Navy, my congratulations. In his response, Jerry mentioned his Walrus training. To the uninformed observer, this statement would be taken as a joking play on the Navy Seals; as an aged, not quite in top shape wannabe. However, Obama's Homeland Security was onto the true meaning instantly. WALRUS is the acronym for Westerners Against Liberals Ruining the U.S. Therefore, OHS increased surveillance.

Our lab interrogators also tortured out of the agent another method of evaluating the extremist threat level of American citizens- old fashioned police work. Any automobile that didn't have an Obama/Biden, a Flush Rush, a Defoliate Bush, a War is NOT the Answer, a Visualize World Peace, or a Save the Planet bumper sticker was immediately classified as a Right-wing extremist threat.

Our researchers returned the agent to his car before the return of the donut man, leaving no memory of the interrogation.

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