North Korea announced Monday that it successfully carried out an underground nuclear test, weeks after threatening to restart its rogue atomic program.The study done by our secret basement laboratory's scientists and researchers have concluded differently, however. The research was done by 3 of our nuclear physicists, 2 nukyoolar weapons scientists, and 3 North Korean cultural experts.
The country's official Korean Central News Agency called Monday's test "part of measures to bolster its nuclear deterrent for self-defense."
President Lee Myung-bak convened an emergency security session. His spokesman, Lee Dong-kwan, confirmed that a nuclear test may have been carried out in the North.
Seismologists from the U.S., South Korea and Japan reported earthquakes in an northeastern area, where North Korea conducted a nuclear test in 2006.
A 4.7-magnitude earthquake was registered in northeastern North Korea at 9:54 a.m. (0054 GMT), the U.S. Geological Survey said.
Citing from their paper published this morning:
We unanimously conclude that the 4.7-magnitude seismic reverberation was not due to an underground nuclear detonation. We highly suspect that Kim Jong Il and Kim Jong Woon's personal underground kimchi (In North Korea its name has been changed to kim jong chi.) production facility suffered an unfortunate fermentation accident.
Bite-sized chunks of partially fermented cabbage were found as far away as Manila, Vladivostok, and Honolulu.
Knowing that Western news outlets would bite on any cover-up propaganda, the North Koreans chose to use this culinary explosion to perpetuate their bad boy, rogue regime, dangerous, blackmail-the-West image.