Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Pandemic Gone Viral

I was awakened this morning by our two cats licking my back and our dog licking my butt instead of her own. I thought this a little odd and I did feel a little funny. When I went into the bathroom and glanced up at the mirror this is what I saw. "Hmmm," I thought, "am I putting on a little more weight?" Then I noticed a couple of 'zits' that I hadn't noticed before.

I went to the doctor and, after a couple of tests, he diagnosed my condition as F1BP1. Many uncouth, unscientific bloggers call it the Filthy Blog Pox. He said that I probably contracted it while having any sort of contact with an unhygienic cave dweller and that it is really going around. The doc wrote a prescription that said I should wash my blogging pajamas more than once a year, whether they need it or not, post 8 random things about myself, and pass the disease on to other bloggers. The last two requirements are pretty easy, but I fear that if I wash my lucky pajamas, I will jeopardize my virile blogging mojo.
1. I once was a very liberal hippie vegan and voted for both George McGovern and Jimmy Carter.

2. Jesus Christ took me into His Kingdom in 1982 while riding my bicycle in Victoria, Texas.

3. I met my wife in a psych ward. She was the unit nurse and readied a syringe with Thorazine before someone told her that I was a 'float' working there and was not a patient. We married in 1998. I was 46. I now have 5 grandchildren, all ages 4 and below. Those squirts are a lot of fun.

4. I served in the U.S. Army in the early 1970's as an M.P. After receiving orders for Viet Nam and going to Oakland, California to ship out, my orders were changed and I served my tour near Stuttgart, West Germany.

5. I like cats even better than dogs.

6. Once as a high school wrestler, I came back on the Monday after Thanksgiving weekend 161/2 lbs. overweight with a Tuesday night match looming. I made weight and won my Tuesday match.

7. I listen to Rush Limbaugh at work.

8. I may very well have as much fun blogging as anyone on the planet.
I hack a loogie full of F1BP1 infected phlegm on tee bee, Ling Carter, and Snaggletoothie Chris.

No comments: