God gave Obama wisdom and very great insight, and a breadth of understanding as measureless as the sand on the seashore. Obama's wisdom was greater than all the wisdom of all the men of America, and greater than all the wisdom of the civilized world. He was wiser than any other man, including Joe the V.P.- wiser than Nancy, Harry, George W. and Jeb, the sons of Bush. And his fame spread to all the surrounding nations. He spoke three thousand sound bites and his cliches numbered a thousand and five. Men of all nations came to listen to Obama's wisdom, sent by all the leaders of the world, who had heard of his wisdom.
Two groups that were disputing an issue came to Obama to judge in the matter. One group claimed that they had a right to do what they wanted with their own bodies, that a pregnancy was like a disease to be cured, and that a fetus was just a blob of cells like cancer. They demanded that abortion be kept legal, safe, and inexpensive.
The other group argued that a fetus was a developing little human being and should be given any and all rights and respect due to others. They asserted that abortion was murder of the innocent.
Obama listened intently to this great question with an open heart, deeply pondered the arguments with an open mind, and offered these fair-minded words, "Bring me my sword. I will cut the fetus in two and give half to the pro-lifer fanatics to raise as their own and half to the pro-choicers to do a spinning 360 tomahawk slam into a dumpster."
When all MSM journalists and progressives heard the verdict The One had given, they held the President in awe, because they saw that he had wisdom from Gaia to administer social justice.