Thursday, June 11, 2009

Interstate, Intercollegiate Rivalries

For some time now Gatordoug, The TrogloPundit, and I have been participating in a bantering intercollegiate, interstate rivalry. It's been a lot of laughs, especially since Lance and I found out that the actual size of a gator's brain is precisely the same size as a chihuahua turd with only slightly less survival value.

However, as Lance points out, we've been invaded by foreigners. It seems that Pat in Shreveport has thrown her beret into the ring. I expect that she is mostly targeting Gatordoug as an S.E.C. intra-conference rival. (S.E.C. stands for South European Conference.) But Pat has included Wisconsin in her diss, so she stands in line for another Badger pummeling.

As has been previously noted, the dignified badger has rid the state of Wisconsin of many undesirables and vermin. Not only has Bucky driven out gators and tigers, but also fire ants, killer bees, scorpions, coral snakes, water moccasins, copperheads, black widow and brown recluse spiders, and most rattlesnakes and cockroaches. (Furry badger families enjoy roast rattlesnake and cockroach 'popcorn' while watching Badger and Packer games on the weekends while snug in their cozy dens.)

As has also been pointed out, gators are homely swamp dwelling reptiles. If perchance they move or are transported north, they are most at home in city sewer systems. They do have some redeeming qualities, however. Gators are pretty tasty and make nice boots and shoes, brief cases, & suitcases. They are also make good entertainers working as professional rasslers. Perhaps the best trait is that it is very hard to get a gator to open his mouth and easy to hold his mouth shut.

What is to be said about the L.S.U. Tiger? He is beautiful and powerful creature. Mascot Mike VI, as were all his predecessors, is a Bengal tiger. He is an imported Asian Indian, an illegal immigrant. L.S.U. is sending good American mascot jobs overseas. It's much like receiving a sales pitch or trying to get information over the phone listening to an accent making the speech unintelligible.

The University of Wisconsin is located in Madison, Wisconsin. Madison was named after a U.S. President. The name of Wisconsin comes from the Algonquian language meaning either 'gathering waters' or more likely, 'God's country.'

The University of Florida is located in Gainesville, Florida. Gainesville received its name because towns in Wisconsin already had taken all the really cool names. Florida is Spanish for 'dainty, purdy flowers, duh.'

Louisiana State University is located in Baton Rouge, Louisiana. Baton Rouge is French for 'red stick.' Louisiana is named after a French king. L.S.U. is apparently a French University, oui? Napoleon wanted to pay President Jefferson to take Louisiana, but couldn't come up with enough Francs. They finally settled on the historical sum when Napoleon agreed to cede half of the rest of the continent in the deal.

I apologize if I have offended Nicholas Sarkozy or especially, Carla Bruni. But facts is facts.

5 comments:

Pat Austin said...

Actually, Mike was born in Indiana, the product of a "accidental breeding" (whatever THAT is). He's not an illegal. His ancestors, maybe. Not Mike!

Is it hard to call a badger "dignified" with a straight face? However, I do like the image of the cute little critters watching football in their dens.

Baton Rouge does indeed translate to "Red Stick" and we do indeed hail from the French, can't help that. But we have some of the best food in the entire country down here!

Wisconsin has....cheese.

Steve Burri said...

Mmmmmmm.... cheeeese... mmmm.

Thanks for stoppin' by, Pat. I think I will go and pull out my VHS of 'Everybody's All-American.'

'Accidental breeding'... now that conjures up a bunch of possibilities!

Your blog is a good one and I've been enjoying it a good deal.

Pat Austin said...

I like your blog as well; I've put you in my blogroll. I especially like your "Most Surveilled" photo - gave me a good laugh!

You actually OWN "Everybody's All-American"? I like the twist scene...

Deuce Geary said...

As a boat school (Naval Academy) grad, let me say that regional rivalries are fun and intense, but nothing can beat Army-Navy!

Steve Burri said...

West Point v. Annapolis...

Go West, young man!