Thursday, November 21, 2013

Nostradamus' Smarter Brothers


Almost everyone has heard of and know something of Nostradamus and his predictive quatrains. However, few know that he had two brothers who also worked in the prophecy trade, Fauxstradamus and CosaNostradamus, (although many historians deny the existence of CosaNostradamus.)

Fauxstradamus predicted such things as a World War that would end all wars, that the Vikings would win the Super Bowl, that Dewey would defeat Truman, that the French would amass an invincible military, that government programs would cost less than estimated and shrink from there, that taxes were not inevitable, that Lance Armstrong would not use P.E.D.'s, and that politicians would evolve into the most honest and honored among the populace.

Even today, Fauxstradamus is widely quoted in famed publications such as the National Enquirer, the New York Times, and the Washington Post.

 CosaNostradamus' existence may be in dispute, but researchers in our secret basement laboratory have unearthed a tuxedo-wearing skeleton that had an extreme underbite. In his hand was a note revealing one quatrain and a map that gives us a prediction that we cannot refuse...

The Age of Aquarius shall pass, Venus shall overshadow Mars.
The full mass of Utopians and faithful devotees will tip Vespucci's Jewel.
The Barackraken will arise from across two oceans and seize upon the land and it's helpless dependents.
The once powerful land will join Atlantis in legend.


1 comment:

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