Sunday, November 29, 2009

Speaking Truth to Glower

As has been historically the case, truthful reporting draws much criticism. These detractors often are in the form of captious ad hominem or ad wisconsinem attacks.

Recently, I posted a straightforward report of Home Depot's subtle dig at S.E.C. athletes in its television advertising campaign. Although it was Home Depot calling these players tools and I was just reporting that fact, I have been the recipient of some very vicious personal and scurrilous attacks. But, since I grew up with three older siblings and am now married, I am quite used to such attacks.

Carol of No Sheeples Here has committed egregious Grandpa Steve abuse here. As an Alabama fan, she attempts to prove that the Crimson Tide are worthy by citing MSM polls that place both Alabama and Florida on top of the nation. Well, we all know that the MSM idolize President Obama and defend Anthropocentric Global Warming against all contrary evidence so why would we expect them to report football rankings with any greater accuracy?

Carol then commits to ad wisconsinem attacks by snarking our propensities to call the Packers 'We,' thinking the American South means Chicago, our parties to celebrate indoor plumbing, our love of the Polka, our year long winters, and our love of pumping Bambi full of lead. The Packers are publicly owned; anyone can buy stock. We sport bumper stickers that say 'Go Back to Chicago.' Indoor plumbing is good except when you want to write your name in a snowbank. 'In heaven there is no beer, that's why we drink it here' is classic American music. Our winters are the data that global warmists try to hide. And Bambi is delectable.

Alabama, on the other hand, is another story. Since Carol puts so much weight on MSM opinion, I will look to Hollywood. Forrest Gump was just on cable yesterday so I know everything there is to know about the state of Alabama and Alabama football. The state motto is 'Life is like a half-full bottle of beer with the label torn off. You never know what you're going to get.'

When Forrest Gump began his transcontinental run and crossed the state line into Mississippi, the mean I.Q.'s of both states went down.

Another abuser has been GatorDoug of The Daley Gator. In this post he declares that the S.E.C. 'Don't Need No Stinkin' Badgers.' In it he claims that, although there are great rivalries among the different S.E.C. teams, they form a sort of family that will defend each other against outside critics. I think it's a little like inbreeding. Soon I expect he will begin referring to himself as a hyphenated S.E.C.-American. We, here in Wisconsin, consider all conferences as Americans and worthy of the same abuse we would heap on a member of our immediate families.

Just as Stacy McCain, an Alabama fan, is a member in good standing in The Sons of Confederate Veterans, many up in this neck of the woods consider themselves as 'Sons of the Iron Brigade.'

I must also say after bantering back and forth with Carol, "Those Southern girls are as tough as nails and fight as tenaciously as bulldogs, claw like tigers, are as sneaky as gators, and have the long memories of elephants!"

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