Senator to President Obama Woos to Lose

.

Subliminal slams on Obama Administration policy by Subway and Blockbuster:

President Obama Picks Up Stitches in Pick Up Basketball

Donald Douglas has video of Obama exiting the gym after catching an elbow that gave him 10 stitches to his lip. It apparently was very tough in the low post.

Some have speculated that an upset Michelle Obama clocked the President with a short right cross, but our investigation has shown that she prefers a left hook instead. Although there are no photographs of the actual incident, we have obtained a photograph indicating who the sharp-elbowed culprit might have been in the pick up game:

Sarah Palin still fits into her old high school uniform!

(With an assist from Mike.)

Who to Root for in This Weekend's NCAA Football

As a Wisconsin Badger fan it is incumbent upon me to root for certain other teams around the country in this weekend's football schedule.

RAH! RAH! SIS-BOOM-BAH...

-Alabama
-Arkansas
-Arizona
-Oregon State
-New Mexico
-Nevada

It's a long, long shot for all or at least 5 of these teams to win to give the Badgers a shot at a national championship game, but ya never know.

Alabama is kicking #2 Auburn pretty handily right now at the half, so... (choke),(gag), Roll, Tide, Roll!

Palin Criticized for 'Snuff Video'

.

Progressive rights group calls Sarah Palin a big ol' meanie.

Brutality... It's not just for Liberals anymore.

(My sources tell me that Kathy Shaidle is really only 4'10")

Grandpa John's Ships Jobs Overseas

Yes, we have shipped jobs overseas; Spain to be specific, but does that mean:

-Grandpa John's doesn't deserve tax breaks because they aren't patriotic?

-Grandpa John's deserves a Nobel Peace Prize for fostering enhanced Spanish/American relations?

-Grandpa John's deserves the Nobel Prize for Economics for its attempt to lift Spain out of bankruptcy?

This controversy started back on November 17th with this 'photoshop.' A Spanish entrepreneur named Alfons wanted to use this design to make 3' x 5' flags for sale on Todo Banderas and here is the result:

Here's the site.

I'll vote for the Nobel Prize in Economics since tax breaks are not likely and the Peace Prize has been sullied beyond recognition.

C'mon, Brett

Why Santa Claus Doesn't Fly Commercial

In the midst of the 'Grope and Change' controversy in airport security screening, [TSA Chief John] Pistole had pledged Sunday to review security procedures in the wake of a public outcry.

Some new suggested procedures:

"Hurry up, men. We got some Judge from Fishersburg named Mike next."

President Obama & The Biblical Job

With a short discussion, Rick Richman directs us to a book review written by Jon Meacham titled Obama and the Book of Job. Meacham is the person who quite recently gave us the description of Obama as 'sort of God.'

I will not excerpt any of Meacham's comparisons between Job and our President. You might want to go and read them, but none will be surprising and all are quite laughable.

I will take this opportunity to lend you some of my theological wit and wisdom to the matter. There are several precise comparisons between Obama and Job that Meacham comes nowhere near:

-Both Job and Barack Obama were sitting 'on top of the world' early in the story.

-Both men get very bad news from servants:

-Servant Harry Reid rushes in to tell Obama that all his Congressional Jackasses were destroyed in a midterm raid by the Teapartians.

-Servant Nancy Pelosi rushes in to tell Obama that all of his Independent sheep have been taken by Progressophobians.

-Both Job and Obama have nagging wives:

-Job's wife says to him, "Curse God and die."

-Barack's wife says to him, "#@&*!*#%, you %+@*)!" (My Hebrew translation skill is much more polished than it is for Angrywife-ese.)

So President Obama IS 'sort of Job.'

T.S.A.: Hey, Mao!

I am quite puzzled at the techniques used by the Progressives at this point in time. The Liberals had control of Congress and the White House. They began their push for progressive policies and got crushed in the mid-term elections at the state level as well as federal. Normal people would moderate or at least try a new technique, but not this crock crop of sh*t socialists.

After their thumping the Democrats have stepped up the goose-stepping. The T.S.A. are treating old women and children like terrorists. The food Nazis among them continue to press for banning legal products and stifling citizen choice.

Many call it a 'Nanny State.' I now think that paints an erroneous picture. I much prefer 'Shanghai State.' It is as if the American public has been shanghaied and forced to bend to the will of the Liberal Oligarchy. (Shanghai, of course, also refers to our massive indebtedness to Communist China.)

I do believe, however, that these actions will continue to inspire and grow the Tea Party movement as more and more Americans are repulsed by the obvious bullying demonstrations of power and disregard for the U.S. Constitution.

So combining criticism of the latest T.S.A. citizen abuse with Stacy McCain's Rule 5 I present:

Hey, Mao!

(Bob at TCOTS has been experiencing a lot of screening probes and gropes lately, as well.)

Running with the TSA Bulls

.

Boxers, front:

Real Debate has suggestions for the back bumper:

You could also put them on your car!

(Paco says, "Collect the whole set!")

The Cover of the New Newspeak Magazine

(The subtle, occult message: Hillary donates, Obama now sporting 2 balls.)

Pick up your copy today! Available at Left Coast Rebel in the Mall of California, Right Wing NewsMart, Moonbattery's House of Porn, and The Camp Of The Saints Bar and Grill.

Secretary Napolitano: Homeland Security Isn't Just for Airports Anymore

.
Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano:

There has been much controversy concerning our T.S.A. security searches at U.S. airports. We have heard the American people and are going to make the necessary corrections.

We are all aware that terroristic activity is not confined to air travel. There have been attacks on buses, trains, automobiles, pizza joints, churches, homes, night clubs, Olympic events, and on the street.

We will therefore expand T.S.A. security measures beyond the airports and into a broad range of Americans' activities to assure the people that the Obama Administration is serious about their safety.

Here a suspicious person is inspected as he attempts to use a public restroom at the local 7-11:

Fortunately, no unauthorized Slurpees were detected.

Here Secretary Napolitano demonstrates a technique for trained T.S.A. agents to use for body cavity searches:

Said Napolitano, "We will be sure, however, that the agents' thumbs are much larger and longer than mine. We are all about American security and are willing to go the extra mile for the children."

If Attorney General Eric Holder Had Prosecuted (******)

Attorney General Eric Holder is getting a lot of flak for his prosecution of terrorist Ahmed Ghailani in civilian court. Many detractors claim that Holder's ineptitude allowed Ghailani to be acquitted of 224 counts of murder. What is left unstressed is that Holder's team got Ahmed convicted of conspiracy to destroy U.S. government buildings.

What if Eric Holder and his team had been involved in the prosecution of other infamous criminal trials?

Jeffery Dahmer- Convicted of improper storage and preparation of meat.

John Wayne Gacy- Guilty of practicing clowndom without a license.

Richard Speck- Convicted of practicing surgery without a license.

Ed Gein- Guilty of unsafe funiture construction.

Colin Ferguson- Convicted of illegally carrying a Ruger P89 9mm.

Susan Smith- Inattentive driving.

Charles Manson- Illegally changing Lynette's name to Squeaky.

David Berkowitz- Falsely claiming that his father's name was Sam.

Ted Bundy- Illegally hitchhiking across state lines.

Richard Ramirez- Breaking and entering.

Dennis Rader- Aggravated littering.

Jim Jones- Unlicensed Kool-Aid sales.

That's a 100% conviction rate. What more could we ask for in an attorney general?

Obama's, Kerry's Thoughts on Dancing with the Stars

With all the controversy over Bristol Palin's success on Dancing with the Stars, we have wondered about the thoughts of some real prominent American dancers concerning this matter. Their opinion counts, the rest are just so much rabble-babble.

Obama:

"Part of the reason that our dancing seems so tough right now is that facts and science and argument do not seem to be winning the day all the time. It is because we're hardwired not to always think clearly when we're scared. And the country's scared.”

Kerry:

“We have an electorate that doesn’t always pay that much attention to what’s going on so people are influenced by a simple slogan rather than the facts or the truth or what’s happening.”

Pelosi:

"They weren't voted off because of me."

Reid:

"This dance contest is lost, but I saved the dancing world from depression."

Biden:

"Every single great dance move that has marked the 21st century, the 20th century and the 19th century has required government vision and government incentive.”

S. Palin:

"I could beat Obama in a dance contest."

Ahhh, I think I have a good handle on this phenomenon now.

The Gadsden Airport Flag

(A hearty welcome to the visitors via Paco Enterprises, Fishersville Mike, Donald Douglas, Lance Burri, Pundette, and John Hawkins.)

Chris has an 'Approaching TSA Checkpoint' warning sign.

Please visit the other posts on Grandpa John's and feel free to comment.

What Smote the 2010 Democrats?

The results of the 2010 elections have been a puzzlement to even the greatest intellects of the Democrat Party. Some, after removing their thumbs from their anal sphincters continue to scratch their heads to this day. The rest have had to insert their hands up beyond their anal sphincters and far into their recta to scratch their heads.

The answers deduced have almost always revolved around the difficulty of the unwashed, childlike, supertstitious masses to understand the erudite message radiating from the President.

Most think that, although very difficult, someone with the superior capabilities that are present in President Obama should be able to communicate with even the most imbecilic Redneck or Midwestern voter. He has, after all, authored a children's book, two autobiographies, and has given dozens of speeches outlining the great wisdom of ObamaCare and his other brilliant policies.

What could have possibly gone wrong?

We here at Grandpa John's consider Vice President Biden's conclusion to have the most merit:

It's the teleprompter's fault. We are using hardware and software produced by a capitalistic outfit from California. If we start using teleprompters produced by the federal government, we will have total success in 2012.

The lame duck Congress' first order of business: A 3,000 page Teleprompter Reform Stimulus bill.

President Obama's Domestic Policy

(Linked by the responsible adults at Pundit and Pundette and Left Coast Rebel.)

Any Palin on TV Causes Rise in Violence

In newly minted Red State Wisconsin:

Allegedly set off by Bristol Palin’s appearance on “Dancing with the Stars,” a rural Black Earth man kept police at bay outside his home for 15 hours Monday and Tuesday before he surrendered to police. [...]

Cowan went upstairs for about 20 minutes and returned, demanding his pistols, which had been taken by his daughter about a month ago for safety reasons. He was carrying a single-shot shotgun, which he loaded and fired into the television.

Cowan continued to yell, demanding his pistols. He re-loaded the shotgun and pointed it toward his wife. [...]

(H.T. Ann Althouse.)

Pelosi Appoints Rangle to Chair CRC

.

Rep. Charles Rangle, (D-NY) calls meeting of Congressional Roach Caucus to order:

Roaches check in, but they won't check out.

(Welcoming all Gaia honoring, low carbon-emitting Moonbattery rechargers.)

Godspeed, Smitty!

Lance is doing a 'Salute to Smitty' with Smittymotivators to show our appreciation for Chris, whether by land, by sea, or by internet.

Steveegg has one, too.

The Mind-Numbed Robot salutes the Squid.

Carol of No Sheeples Here has arisen from her grieving over Crimson Tide football long enough to play Smittymotivator, too. (Fret no longer, Carol, Duke basketball has started.)

YankeePhil quotes some blogger named Shakespeare in tribute to Smitty.

Pelosi Creates New Position for Clyburn

In order to avoid an embarrassing racial flap, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi is creating a new leadership position for South Carolina Rep. James Clyburn.

The maneuvering was described by Democratic officials after Speaker Nancy Pelosi, D-Calif., issued a vaguely worded statement saying she intends to nominate Clyburn to a new No. 3 post. The statement made no mention of Hoyer, and officials who filled in the details did so on condition of anonymity, saying they were not permitted to speak publicly about the matter.

In other words, Speaker Pelosi uses affirmative action to create the token position of House Minority Minority Leader.

We Need Stiffer Yogurt Control Laws

Virginia State Police are investigating a case of road rage involving two drivers -- one armed with a gun and one with armed with a carton of yogurt.

-Man with gun charged with misdemeanor.

-Man with yogurt charged with felony. (Germ warfare using active yogurt cultures, and he could have poked somebody's eye out.)

(H.T. Wicked Thoughts.)

Grandpa John's Think Tank: Position Paper

(The usual warning applies: Before reading this wear your darkest shades to protect your eyes. Even when young, we were so bright, Mama called us 'Sun.')

We here at Grandpa John's world respected think tank have proposed an appendix III for Rep. Paul Ryan's Roadmap for America's Future.

 Appendix III:
Roadmap for America's Successful Future

Warning to Conservatives

.

"Leave Nancy Alone!"

("It's not her fault!")

I Want One!

Here's a tea cup that I would like to get:

A War is Coming

War. So says Ted Rall Guevara in his new book, The Tricycle Diaries.

TOTUS Interview, Part II

A short time ago our secret basement laboratory computer geeks hacked into TOTUS for some inside scoop into the thoughts of POTUS. It turns out that TOTUS is actually quite gregarious and we are now Screenbook friends and communicate regularly.

We chatted with TOTUS this evening and found out some things that POTUS wanted to say while trippin' in India. Here is a portion of what POTUS was thinking during one of his trademark 'America sucks' speeches there:

Ladies and gentlemen,

Most of the world may know of my great admiration for European style Socialism, but very few understand my great love for historic Indian Hinduism. While the unwashed masses may amuse themselves with questions of my religious preferences in respect to Christianity and Islam, they entirely overlook my Hindu faith.

My vision for America includes implementation of your ancient caste system. I, of course, am the only American Brahmin, but I am surrounded and supported by many loyal Ksatriyas. We are working hard to control the Vaisyas of all forms and have great support of union Sudras. Unfortunately in America, however, the Untouchables have a vote and crushed us in the last election.

Blah, blah, blah... yadda, yadda, yadda... (TOTUS has a wonderful sense of humor.)

Thank you very much for your understandable worship and adoration.

TOTUS Screenbook profile:

Cheeky electronic monkey!

A Mean Mullet and Toothy Grin

DELAVAN — It was the mid-1980s, a time of big hair and big dreams for a Delavan-Darien High School kid who wore a No. 32 jersey for football and No. 44 for basketball.

Tea Partiers Cheer as Planet Comes to the End

Al Gore's statement while aboard jumbo jet 'Global Warming One' flying to attend the Djibouti Anthropogenic Global Warming and Gore-ocentric Conference:"If you look closely at the video, you can plainly see George W. Bush and Dick Cheney near the glacier with blow torches and cannisters of CO₂."



(H.T. Grandpa Jerry)

If You Are Going to Get Lost in the Forest, Here's the Way to Do It

This past Friday evening my wife, Linda, my step-son, and son-in-law drove from Greenville, S.C. to northwestern North Carolina to visit some sights in Dupont State Park. The boys wanted to get some pictures of Bridal Veil Falls and Hooker Falls where some scenes from the movie "The Last of the Mohicans" were shot. The falls were just a short way up the trail and, while Linda waited at the van, the guys hustled up the trail to take their pics and come back. They didn't come back. Darkness overcame the wilderness.

Linda called in the missing/lost persons report with great difficulty. The intense nature of the event was compounded by very poor cell reception and weakening batteries.

After a seemingly eternal couple of hours, it was discovered that nearby this was taking place at the same time. Search and rescue teams with dogs and ATV's were already encamped just down the road for a weekend of training. Soon that portion of the 11,000 acre park were swarming with searchers, dogs, and sounding like the Indy 500 of ATV's. A chopper or two were also up, but the Goodyear blimp was nowhere to be seen.

Matt and Joe were quickly found. They had done several things right in this situation, most importantly building a safe signal fire, that aided in their rescue. The rescuers that actually found them expressed gratitude in participating in the real deal rather than just training. They do love to roar around on their ATV's.

It was quite a relief also up here in Wisconsin as we sat helplessly waiting on news.

The reasons for getting lost on these relatively simple trails remains somewhat unclear, however. This was, after all, just a three hour tour undertaken by the Skipper and Gilligan. My first thought was that after they found the famous Hooker falls, they went looking for the hookers and got lost. But a more likely scenario is that by some magical formula these two guys together exponentially increase the trouble that they could get into separately. Just a couple of years ago they got into a fiery rollover winter-time crash in the boondocks of northcentral Wisconsin and because of extenuating circumstances they felt the need to flee the search and rescue teams.

Their car:

The guys after cleanup:

Of course, we are ecstatic that they are safe. But we expect these two to go into the history books next to the famous American explorers Lewis and Clark, except their team will be called Doofus and Dork.

One Brit's Ideas on the Tea Party Movement

William Rees-Mogg pens a short article in this morning's (U.K.) Mail online. He includes this illustration:

Why do you think he included the 'Stars and Bars' flag on the table?

(H.T. Lucianne.com.)

Mess Wid Me, Dog...

...And Me Big Brudder'll Knock Yer Kibbles to Bits!

(Hercules, a 900 lb Liger not including cub and trainer)

(H.T. Lucianne.com.)

Mr. President, Why Did the Democrats Take Such a Shellacking?

"We didn't properly propagandize re-educate communicate our message." ("We've been introducing progressive principles into our educational system since Dewey in the early 1900's and have been in control of government education for 2 or 3 generations. We've kicked God, the Ten Commandments, prayer, and Bible reading out of school decades ago. We've controlled the mainstream media and Hollywood since Cronkite. And yet these ignorant, bitter clingers still don't get it.")

"We need more money for education and school reform legislation along with the reintroduction of the HushRush Fairness Doctrine."

San Francisco Arrests Lawbreaker

San Francisco Police officials arrested the first breaker of its newest law today:

"Putting a toy in a Happy Meal without a single leaf of arugula, eh?  Carrot Czar Michelle O. will throw the book at you, Scofflaw!"

Bite Me, Toyota

C'mere, Kid, I wanna show you some new technology behind that there woodshed.

An Issue of TIME Magazine I Would Buy

The President's Trip to India

It has been estimated that President Obama's trip to India will cost about $200 million per day.

Compare that fact with the expenditure in the War in Iraq.

In 2009, the U.S. spent about $7.3 billion per month on the War. Dividing that figure by a 30 day month, it amounted to about $243+ million per day.

Holy crap! (With emphasis on crap!)

Associations with Burris Propel Gubernatorial Victories

Links to the Burri family are directly responsible for at least two governorships flipping from Democrat to Republican in this last election.

#1- Self explanatory; Wisconsin's Governor-elect Scott Walker. Walker (on the right) is pictured seeking and receiving the endorsement of The TrogloPundit assuring his victory;

#2- Ohio Governor-elect John Kasich. He was propelled to victory when it became know that he was born on the very same day and year as Grandpa Steve:

New Congress Commissions National Redistricting

Progressive Truthers claim that even before their January seating, the new U.S. Congress has commissioned former President George W. Bush and Dick Cheney to begin a redistricting program for the country.

Liberals claim that under Cheney's direction Halliburton has completed the initial step in the plan. Using optimally placed explosive charges, the Halliburton crew 'encouraged' the San Andreas Fault to do its thing.

A spokesman for Bush, Cheney, and Halliburton stated that the fault's activity was instigated by the explosive California brain fart during this last election.

Here is the 2011 version of the United States:

Messin' with Sasquatch

Or something like that...

To city folks, a mama grizzly is easily mistaken for Sasquatch.

Always Loved this Commerical

Starring Teal Sherer

Grandpa John's Sports Scoops

Packers Contemplating Deal with Vikings.

Green Bay- Sources inside the Packer organization say that the Packers are working on a deal that will give them a second or third round pick from the Vikings in next year's draft.

Aaron Rodgers' Revenge.

After the completion of this NFL season, Packer quarterback Aaron Rodgers will announce his retirement. Several Packers teammates, including backup quarterback Matt Flynn, will fly out to California to hang ten and be groovy then bring him back before training camp next season. Rodgers says he has no plans for sexting, however.

My, How Time Flies When You Start Getting Older

Seems like such a short time ago when I taught:

 Little April

And Natalie, Elizabeth, and Hannah:

But has it been 40 years already?

Said the Spider to the Fly

"Welcome to my European Socialist web, my fat, juicy little American citizen fly!"

"Nom, nom, nom! Huh?!"

"Heh, heh... uh, we can work together in a bipartisan way!"

Randy Moss Cut by Vikings

That didn't last very long.

Tuesday's Vote