Why Ann Coulter Hates Sarah Palin

Catfight!!

The only thing I have against her is that she threatens to surpass me in attracting the left's hatred.1

Making A Difference

Q: How can I tell if my blogging efforts are 'making a difference?'

A: One way to tell, Grasshopper, is after raking your U.S. Senator over the coals a few times and then googling for his image, one picture displayed is this:

There Are No Absolutes

Postmodern Deconstruction

(H.T. Pat Santy.)

Related News Articles

The Secret Service designates special code names to all for which they are responsible to provide security. The President is "Renegade," Michelle is "Renaissance," Malia is "Radiance," Sasha is "Rosebud, Bo is "The Dog," and MSM journalists are collectively known as "Bo."

-Former USA Today Reporter: 'Watchdogs Are Heeling for Obama'1

-Barack and Bo Obama: why dogs are a president's best friend2

-Fear not, animal activists: Obamas' dog Bo is already neutered3

-Obama Dog Trainer: Bo Already "Sits, Shakes, Rolls Over"4

-First dog Bo meets White House press corps5

And there was a whole lotta butt-sniffin' and self-lickin' goin' on in der! I think they call it 'foreplay during inbreeding.'

Specter Switches Parties... Again

In a surprise move today, Senator Arlen Specter switched political parties... again. In a statement to the news media, Specter said,

"I deeply regret that I will be disappointing many friends and supporters."

"I can understand their disappointment," he continued. "I am also disappointed that so many in the party I have worked for for more than four decades do not want me to be their candidate. It is very painful on both sides."

"Since then, I have traveled the State, talked to Democrat leaders and office-holders and my supporters and I have carefully examined public opinion. It has become clear to me that the my first party switch caused a schism which makes our differences irreconcilable."

This switch makes Specter the second Independent/Socialist in the U.S. Congress along with Vermont Senator Bernard Sanders. They will not be lonely, however, as fellowship comes easy with the scads of Congressmen with the party designation of D/Socialist.

Swine Flu Vector

Swine Flu UPDATE: Further data has been gathered showing the 'invitation' and vector of the Swine Flu, influenza A virus subtype H1N1, into the United States.

The following video shows a typical Chicago machine politician/witch calling on the swine virus to invade. With the spiritual door open the designated vector was also chosen. Surprisingly, it was not any pork product, but it is Honey Nut Cheerios. (That portion of the video was impounded for security purposes by Homeland Security and the CDC after a generous grant from General Mills.)

Remarkably, Wendy, (D-Chicago), was able to complete this deed without a teleprompter.

P.J. Media

P.J. O'Rourke spears ditch carp in the Canberra Times:

Long term there's only one thing that gives me hope as a right-winger - the left-wing.

It's going to be hard to do a worse job running America than the Republicans did, but the Democrats can do it if anyone can.

The Left is the party of government activism - the party that says government can make you richer, smarter, slimmer, taller, and take a dozen strokes off your golf game.

The Right is the party that says government doesn't work. And then they get elected and prove it.

The US Government is going to take over the American car industry. I can predict the result - a light-weight, compact vehicle with a small carbon footprint using sustainable alternative energy. When I was a kid we called it a bike.

The new GM Bamster Rallye Sport H2

(H.T. Ed Driscoll.)

Specter Defects, Republican Party Obit

Michael O'Brien mourns on The Hill's Blog Briefing Room:

Sen. Arlen Specter's decision to switch parties and run for reelection as a Democrat foreshadows a Republican landslide in midterm elections, Sen. Jim Inhofe (R-Okla.) argued Wednesday.

"This is the first visible evidence that what happened in 1993 is happening again now," Inhofe said during an appearance on Fox News, arguing that the 2010 midterm elections will mirror the 1994 elections in which Republicans made major gains.

Inhofe said that voters' turn against President Clinton's initiatives on healthcare and the military in 1994 would see history repeat itself in 2010, with voters again turning against the Obama administration's priorities. He cited Specter and Republican candidate Pat Toomey as evidence.

"The guy that ran against him and was defeated by Arlen Specter six years ago now is so far ahead of him that Arlen Specter's own adviser said there's no way that you can win this thing unless you change to the Democratic Party," Inhofe explained. "Now, to me, that's the evidence it's coming."

Inhofe said he doesn't buy analysis by conservative pundit Fred Barnes, who's argued that 2010 will see Republicans receive another drubbing at the polls. If anything, Inhofe argued, Democrats' having 60 votes in the Senate will only intensify voters' desire to unseat Democrats in the midterm elections.

Or maybe, Specter's flight was the application of a defibrillator on a party's gutless heart... Charging... Clear... ZZZap!

Adieu, Pontiac

I had a 1966 G.T.O. identical to this one back in the day:



Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore!"

And the raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting
On the pallid bust of Pallas just above my chamber door;
And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming,
And the lamp-light o'er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor;
And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor
Shall be lifted - nevermore! -Edgar Allan Poe, 1845

To Be Signed, Notarized, Witnessed, and Returned to Washington Within 5 Days

General Durable Power of Attorney
Effective Immediately or Upon Your Execution

I, [NAME], a resident of [ADDRESS. COUNTY, STATE]; Social Security Number [NUMBER] designate BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA, presently residing at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave., Washington, D.C., as my attorney in fact (referred to as “President Obama”) on the following terms and conditions:

1. Authority to Act. President Obama is authorized to act for me under this Power of Attorney and shall exercise all powers in my best interests and for my welfare.

2. Powers of President Obama. President Obama shall have the full power and authority to manage and conduct all of my affairs, and to exercise my legal rights and powers, including those rights and powers that I may acquire in the future, including the following:
-a. Collect and Manage. To collect, hold, maintain, improve, invest, lease, or otherwise manage any or all of my real or personal property or any interest therein;
-b. Buy and Sell. To purchase, sell, mortgage, grant options, or otherwise deal in any way in any real property or personal property, tangible or intangible, or any interest therein, upon such terms as the President Obama considers proper, including the power to buy United States Treasury Bonds that may be redeemed at par to pay federal estate tax and to sell or transfer Treasury securities;
-c. Borrow & Print. To borrow and/or print money, to execute promissory notes therefor, and to secure any obligation by mortgage or pledge.
-d. Business and Banking. To conduct and participate in any kind of lawful or unlawful business of any nature or kind, including the right to sign partnership agreements, continue, reorganize, merge, consolidate, recapitalize, close, liquidate, sell, or dissolve any business and to vote stock, including the exercise of any stock options and the carrying out of any buy sell agreement; to receive and endorse checks and other negotiable paper, deposit and withdraw funds (by check or withdrawal slips) that I now have on deposit or to which I may be entitled in the future in or from any bank, savings and loan, or other institution;
-e. Tax Returns and Reports. To prepare, sign, and file separate or joint income, gift, and other tax returns and other governmental reports and documents; to consent to any gift; to file any claim for tax refund; and to represent me in all matters before the Internal Revenue Service;
-f. Safe Deposit Boxes. To have access to any safety deposit box registered in my name alone or jointly with others, and to remove any property or papers located therein;
-g. Proxy Rights. To act as my agent or proxy for any stocks, bonds, shares, or other investments, rights, or interests I may now or hereafter hold;
-h. Legal and Administrative Proceedings. To engage in any administrative or legal proceedings or lawsuits in connection with any matter herein;
-i. Transfers in Trust. To transfer any interest I may have in property, whether real or personal, tangible or intangible, to the trustee of any trust that I have created for my benefit;
-j. Delegation of Authority. To engage and dismiss agents, counsel, and employees, in connection with any matter, upon such terms as President Obama determines;
-k. Restrictions on President Obama’s Powers. Regardless of the above statements, President Obama (1) There are NO RESTRICTIONS on President Obama's powers.

3. Durability. This durable Power of Attorney shall be irrevocable until Hell freezes over.

4. Reliance by Third Parties. Third parties may rely upon the representations of President Obama as to all matters regarding powers granted to President Obama. No person who acts in reliance on the representations of President Obama or the authority granted under this Power of Attorney shall incur any liability to me or to my estate for permitting President Obama to exercise any power prior to actual knowledge that the Power of Attorney has been revoked or terminated by operation of law or otherwise.

5. Indemnification of Agent. No agent named or substituted in this power shall incur any liability to me for acting or refraining from acting under this power.

6. Original Counterparts. Photocopies of this signed Power of Attorney shall be treated as original counterparts.

7. Revocation. I hereby revoke any previous Power of Attorney that I may have given to deal with my property and affairs as set forth herein.

8. Compensation. President Obama shall be reimbursed for trillions of dollars in expenses incurred while acting as Agent and may receive reasonable compensation for acting as Agent.

9. Substitute Agent. There can be no substitute for President Obama.

Dated: [DATE]

_______________________________
NAME

Signed in the presence of:

_______________________________
Witness

_______________________________
Witness

Subscribed and sworn to before me on [DATE].

____________________________________
Notary Public, [COUNTY, STATE]
My commission expires ______________.

(H.T. Rush.)

Flyover Fears

A WCBSTV.com summary of an FAA memo:

Federal officials knew that sending two fighter jets and Air Force One to buzz ground zero and Lady Liberty might set off nightmarish fears of a 9/11 replay, but they still ordered the photo-op kept secret from the public.

As usual, the government bureaucracy got it wrong. The panic was not caused by a low-flying jumbo jet cruising around Manhattan. Here was the real reason people were filling their Depends:

(Photoshop of an NRO Photoshop.)

Two Etiological Theories

The Etiologists in our secret basement laboratory who have been researching the Swine Flu outbreak are split into two competing schools of thought concerning the flu's onset.

The first group, the minority, have been dubbed the 'Beastiophobes' by their rivals. Their studies lead them to the conclusion that his influenza had its beginning through a small group of people demanding the same civil rights as heterosexuals:



The majority view, lead by Drs. Cox & Forkum, dubbed the 'Sociophobes' by their sneering detractors, had predicted the Swine Flu's outbreak back in 2006. They believe that it began thusly:



I personally favor the second view. However, I do also credit the first view as the correct one for the latest outbreak of the dreaded Barfing Pork-Flavored Phlegmitis.

April 28, 1948

I grew up with two older brothers. John is six years older, Jerry is four. These two were about as different growing up as they could be, but alike in one important category; they were (and still are!) both excellent brothers. I learned and benefited a great deal from both.

Today is Jerry's birthday.(It is not by accident that there is a light directly over Jerry. He was always a creative thinker. It is just too bad the bulb burned out quite some time ago.)

Happy Birthday, Chady!

Next from Hollywood

A Sarandon/Clooney Production
Coming to a theater near you soon

I Am the Hope, the Truth, & the Change

...No One Feeds at the Public Trough But By Me.

Drew Zahn reports in World Net Daily:

On his 100th day in office, President Obama will be "crowned" in messianic imagery at New York City's Union Square.

Artist Michael D'Antuono's painting "The Truth" – featuring Obama with his arms outstretched and wearing a crown of thorns upon his head – will be unveiled on April 29 at the Square's South Plaza.

Besides the outstretched arms and crown of thorns, there is downward glance of the suffering servant, the blood-red tie representing the piercing of the side, the curtain being torn from top to bottom opening the temple's Most Holy Place to the unwashed masses, and the background message. In Christ's case the message states, "Jesus of Nazareth, King of the Jews." With Obama, "Barack of Chicago, Redeemer of America."

"O, Conservative, Conservative, why hast thou foresaken me?"

UPDATE: Rumors abound that 'The Truth' will no longer be displayed in NYC's Union Square.

Grandpa John's Museum of Fine Art has stated that it will take and display D'Antuono's painting... if it is submerged in urine or something of similar cutting edge genre.

The World is not Enough

The Statistical Chronologists in our secret basement laboratory can be quite an embarrassment. Often during meetings they will interrupt the proceedings to say something of the nature of, "We need to step outside since, statistically, it is time for Dr. Huansby to pass methane," or, "Breaktime! Dr. Brewer has to evacuate the bowel." Each time they have been challenged, they have been proven right.

So when these S.C.'s came to me with a recent series calculations, I had to sit up and take notice.

Here are the chronological 'stats' from which they drew their latest educated speculation:

-Barack Obama served three terms in the Illinois Senate from 1997 to 2004.

-He offered a prime-time televised keynote address at the Democratic National Convention in July 2004. Washington Post account:

"I was feeling like a proud older brother, and I had tears coming out of my eyes when he finished," Link said. "Wanting to be a tough guy, I was wiping tears on the corner of my suit coat and trying to clean up. Then I turn around and see there's not a dry eye in the whole place. He got to everybody."

-He was elected to the U.S. Senate in November 2004.

-He began his run for the presidency in February 2007.

-Obama elected President in November 2008.

-He offered a prime-time televised keynote address at the G20 Summit in London in April, 2009. This speech was so powerful that Logan professed:

I was on the treadmill after a long, hard leg workout today at the gym, when Obama gave his speech following the G-20 summit. I was only able to follow the speech via closed caption, and it still moved me to tears. I did not cry out of fear or sadness. No, instead I cried because Obama’s words inspired me and made me believe that this financial calamity will get better. All this without sound, only typed words and a video on mute. We have needed strong words like this and strong international collaboration from our President for eight years. Now we have them, and I am moved.

In the lab's Statistical Chronologists' professional opinion, after a little less than two years as President, Barack Obama will pursue his next political step:


"I'm King of the World!"

Approximately 9 months after achieving this goal, the World will not be enough, so Obama will begin an even larger quest...


"I'm Emperor of the Galaxy!"

But, the lab's Statistical Chronologists have also been mapping other chronologies as well.

They predict that there will soon be strong activity in The Force:


"Help us, Lance Skywalker. You're our only hope."

Our S.C.'s also speculated on a couple of alternate scenarios. It depended a great deal upon whether the researcher wanted to suck up to The Other McCain like some (noted by illustration on the left), or whether they wanted to exercise McCain's Rule #4 (As noted on the right).



Regardless, it seems that the biggest problem that we will be facing is that Joe Biden will soon be POTUS, with Nancy Pelosi immediately on deck as Joe is a probable candidate for the loony bin.

Seeing a Sermon

Doug Giles posts his take on the Miss USA situation.

I tip my hat to Miss Carrie Prejean. She didn’t fold like a cheap lawn chair to the emotionally-charged inquisition.

It’s refreshing to see conviction nowadays. You remember conviction, don’t ‘cha? Kudos for that graceful display of moxie, girlfriend. Hopefully some pastors, especially you well-known “major” ministers, who have shied away from standing publically with the . . . uh . . . Bible . . . will, by her example, grow a pair and come back to quoting God on the topic instead of Tyra.

Prejean's moxie had the potential to cost her dearly, far more than merely an unflattering verbal flogging by a pismire.

"Here I stand. I cannot do otherwise. God help me, Amen!"

They DO Exist!

Scientists in Victoria, British Columbia, have discovered that which we assumed to be just a polemic simile- White Trash.

Don’t bother knocking if the dumpster is rocking.

To no one's surprise, they were Canadian, but I bet some of their relatives have migrated south.

(H.T. Fark.com.)

Jokes from 1970

Here are some of the gloom and doom predictions from Earth Day in 1970.

Excerpts:

“Civilization will end within 15 or 30 years unless immediate action is taken against problems facing mankind.”- George Wald, Harvard Biologist

“By…[1975] some experts feel that food shortages will have escalated the present level of world hunger and starvation into famines of unbelievable proportions. Other experts, more optimistic, think the ultimate food-population collision will not occur until the decade of the 1980s.”- Paul Ehrlich, Stanford University biologist

“Scientists have solid experimental and theoretical evidence to support…the following predictions: In a decade, urban dwellers will have to wear gas masks to survive air pollution…by 1985 air pollution will have reduced the amount of sunlight reaching earth by one half….”- Life Magazine, January 1970

“By the year 2000, if present trends continue, we will be using up crude oil at such a rate…that there won’t be any more crude oil. You’ll drive up to the pump and say, `Fill ‘er up, buddy,’ and he’ll say, `I am very sorry, there isn’t any.’”- Kenneth Watt, Ecologist

And, of course, the old standby:

“The world has been chilling sharply for about twenty years. If present trends continue, the world will be about four degrees colder for the global mean temperature in 1990, but eleven degrees colder in the year 2000. This is about twice what it would take to put us into an ice age.”- Kenneth Watt, Ecologist

I remember those days well. I had visions by Rachel Carson polluting the tidal pools between my ears.

I'm Too Sexy for my Shirt...

...Too Sexy fer Constitution's Dirt

Politico:

Barack Hussein Obama is the nation’s first hip president.

Truth be told, his style is rooted in something elusive and hard to define. Pure and simple, it’s hip.

“Obama has this awareness that other presidents haven’t had. He’s white, and he’s black. He’s an elitist, and he’s regular folk. He’s not pinned down to a perspective.”

And his hip image certainly isn’t hurt by his wife, who is so obviously cool — setting trends (Sleeveless! Tending her own garden!), confidently mingling with superstars, gracing magazine covers coast to coast.

And speaking of basketball, who missed the sight of POTUS dressed in all black, sitting courtside at a Bulls-Wizards game with a cup of beer and high-fiving a trash-talking fan? How hip was that?!

It’s so hip that school kids in Albany, N.Y., coined a term for it: “Baracking.” And it doesn’t stop there. Those in the know at Albany High greet each other by saying: “What’s up, my Obama?” and they respond to a sneeze with “Barack you.” Misbehavior is peer-corrected with the admonition, “Barack’s in the White House,” which translates, “Show some respect.”

Obama’s hipness reinforces that he’s different, yet he’s comfortingly familiar to Americans who want to revere their presidents as pedestal material while demanding that they be approachable as the guy next door.

So what’s hipness got to do with public policy? For Obama, everything.

His personal charisma is a nonverbal form of communication, sending seemingly conflicting messages: the need for radical and sacrificial change, yet the reassurance to Americans that he’s as sane and stable as the guy in the next barber’s chair, said Roger Wilkins, who recently retired as a history professor at George Mason University.

“Hipness is a way of presenting to the world that you know what’s going on and that you’ve got things under control,”

“For Obama, his hipness exudes power.

True, Obama uses his hipster personality as a weapon. His enormous popularity is a bludgeon that demands political respect, if not support.

Being hip has shown the ability to keep 60% approval rating over his first 100 days, but it may have a downside as well.

To be sure, the track record for hip politicians isn’t promising. History suggests that the power of personality has limitations in politics. It sours under public scrutiny.

So can it last? Can Obama’s hipness survive the weight and responsibility of the office? Maybe there’s a reason presidents aren’t hip. War-making, secrecy, aging, unpopularity, sternness and sobriety — these are decidedly unhip. And all that could come in the next 100 days, because hipness is a trendy thing, subject to popular whim.

Hip folks are a dime a dozen, but finding a real Hep Cat is much more rare. For example, my extreme coolness has endured since the late '50s and I know of no other survivors.

(H.T. Sean M. in Doubleplusundead.)

100 Days' Summary

Rush Limbaugh sums up Barack Obama's first 100 days in office.



Did he miss anything?

Already Vying for Miss USA, 2010

Due to the debacle in the Miss USA pageant for 2009, changes will have to be made to assure a less controversial 2010.

R.S. McCain quotes Miss California/USA pageant director Shanna Moakler:

But she lost the crown because she wasn't able to convey compassion for ALL the people that as MISS USA she would be representing. and if YOU like it or not, gays and lesbians make up this country as well. THIS is why we have judges so they can find the RIGHT woman who obtains these qualities. they are crucial in my eyes when holding a honor and title as big as being Miss USA. The panel of judges was qualified and did their job, they represented all of us, men, woman, black, white, gay and straight.

Many hopeful 2010 candidates have been forced to withdraw for the sake of conscience or past bad statements or acts.

There are some beauties, however, who have stepped up to vie for the 2010 Miss USA crown. These are the women who can, indeed, represent all Americans.

"Hi, my name is Janeane. I represent all liberal Americans, so I especially hate Christians. NAMBLA members are Americans, too."


"Hi, my name is Helen. I speak truth to power, even in the White House to represent all Americans."


"Hi, my name is Nancy. I represent all Americans, so I wear a hijab."


"Hi, my name is Perez. I don't take to no stupid bitches who dare depart from the reigning true American PC line."


"Hi, my name is Roseanne. My patriotism isn't even deterred by embarrassing crotch itch."

"Hi, my name is... aw, gosh, you know my name already! I represent all Americans by feasting on the rotting corpse of the long dead Constitution."






"Hey, get outta here, Miss Switzerland! Canada ain't part of America. Besides, Steve is just trying to work rule #5 AND brag up his Swiss heritage."

Today's Cryptopic

Here is today's installation of our famous 'Cryptopic' puzzlation. In this altered photo, as always, you are to guess the famous person who is featured in the picture. Multiple choice answers are below.


I am:

A) House Speaker Nancy Pelosi dozing during Legislative Oversight meeting outlining enhanced interrogation techniques.

B) Former Vice-President Al Gore studying for a meteorology final.

C) White House Economic Advisor Larry Summers dreaming that he had never actually crossed the feminist line.

D) President Barack Obama praying during 20 years of Rev. Jeremiah Wright sermons.

E) Vice-President Joe Biden at any time during the past 25 years.

Good night and good luck!

Rick Santorum

Conservative Rick Santorum pens a short assessment of Obama's first 100 days, that have been distilled from decades of growth through personal and professional associations.

The Elephant in the Room: Obama vs. United States

The president is contemptuous of American values. And one key nominee prefers the judgment of other countries and global elites.

His nomination of former Yale Law School Dean Harold Koh to be the State Department's top lawyer...

Good article.



(H.T. Commonsense & Wonder.)

New State Budget Cutting Proposal

Facing a near 6 billion budget shortfall by 2011, Wisconsin Governor Jim Doyle is seeking ways to appear to cut spending. Beside buying Chinese paper clips and pencils to save cash, the state administration will be allowing prison inmates early release.

Wisconsin's estimated 22,000 inmate population could be seeing a significant reduction in coming years.

"You go and behave yourself in prison and you do what you are supposed to do, there is actually some incentive for you to do well," Doyle said.

Wisconsin's Department of Corrections Secretary, Rick Raemisch, estimates about 3,000 inmates would be eligible for early release.

"They truly do have to earn their way out, whether it be through programming, behavior adjustment, or positive changes behind bars. It's being smart on crime instead of tough on crime," Raemisch said. He did not have an exact savings estimate, however.

However, in order to distract from his usual taxes-under-every-rock policy, the Governor needs some more flash. Fortunately for him, the sleight of hand is at hand.

Over on Interesting News Items, Ling Carter let Wisconsin Governor Jim Doyle's next budget cutting move out of the bag:

LOS ANGELES, CA - Faced with budget cuts, the LA Zoo has downsized their animal population, releasing two Bengal tigers into Griffith Park. "Unfortunately, tigers eat too much, especially the pregnant one," said zoo official Cesar Sonora. "Our cost analysis revealed we could lay-off the cats, then transfer resources to the monkey house, which badly needs new Plexiglas." When asked about the danger of freeing large predators into the country's busiest park, Sonora was sympathetic, "We realize our move could inconvenience the public, but transferring the animals would have been so costly as to be fiscally irresponsible." Sonora thought briefly, then smiled, "On the upside, this could really help solve the park's homeless problem."

Perhaps Wisconsin State Attorney General, J.B. Van Hollen, had a premonition of this when he ruled that the open carrying of weapons was legal.

Purple?

Did the Easter Bunny throw up in here?

Objectionk!

"I know nothingk!"
Quite a lot is being made over Speaker Nancy Pelosi's early knowledge of waterboarding and nancy-come-lately abhorrence of its inherent evil. She is being likened to Hogan's Heroes character, Sgt. Schultz.

Give me a break. Aside from the superficial likenesses of incompetence with a propensity for denying the reality of unpleasant situations, these two major players have virtually nothing in common. Sgt. Schultz was very displeased with reigning tyrants, but was favorable and actually helpful to Americans and their allies, whereas Ms. Pelosi shows no such tendencies.


Most certainly, the better comparison is Nancy Pelosi with the Gestapo's Major Wolfgang Hochstetter.

'Clear and Present Danger'

It is my humble opinion that the following Washington Times story reported by Matthew Cella was semi-spiked. In the excerpted portion below, I will add in brackets what I think was the original copy that was altered before print:

Scores of the District's paramedics [Congressional Democrats] failed to meet the minimum national standard on written exams testing or mishandled basic life-saving procedures [Constitutional requirements] during videotaped assessments,...

"Based on what I saw on those videos, there is no question in my mind," said Paul Werfel, director of New York's Stony Brook University's paramedic program [Joe the Tea Partier] and a clinical assistant professor of health sciences [a citizen who lives in reality]. "To be perfectly honest, I think there's a real threat here. The safety of the people of the District of Columbia [The United States] is at risk. It's a clear and present danger to them."

"Almost all of them exhibited extremely poor technique," Mr. Werfel [Joe] said. "Based on the videos I saw, I wouldn't be able to sleep at night if I was responsible for putting these people on the streets [in charge of the economy]."

I expect that the story was altered in order to avoid criticism by Perez Hilton who may have labeled them 'stupid bitches.'

Lincoln Seance

The lights were dimmed in our secret basement laboratory while over a dozen lit candles danced with shadows across the room. Several smirking scientists filled the round table holding hands. Stern stares demanded silence making even Dr. 'Lodyte reduce the decibels of his methane emissions to near SBD levels.

Suddenly, there was a rapping sound crushing the silence.

"Is that you, Mr. Lincoln?" asked a shivering Dr. Dactyl.

"Four score and... what? Why, yes, it is, Good Doctor. How have you been?"

"J-just fine, Mr. President."

"What do you wish to ask me this night, O inquiring mind?"

"Sir, we would like to know what you think of our President Barack Obama- who some say is the new Abe Lincoln."

"President Obama... hmmmm. He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know."

"Wow! Really? We are totally surprised. He is so clean and articulate."

"Well, yes... What's that, George? Oh, yes, certainly. Sorry, ladies and gentlemen, it is time to watch the 'martyrs' interact with their 72 doe-eyed virgins downstairs. Folks, did you know the Pillsbury Doughboy's extented family is there? Wow, would you look at that! Sorry, dudes, I gotta split."

The dead silence returned. All at once everyone in the room jumped up and raced for the Leinenkugels.

Obama Appointment?

'They are ambassadors for all the threatened invertebrates, insects and spiders on Hawaii.'

I'd smile, too, if I didn't have to pay taxes.

(H.T. Lucianne.com.)

Postmodernism

Barack Obama- "...between a man and a woman."

Press- "Such a historic, articulate President."

John Kerry- "...between a man and a woman."

Press- "The esteemed Senator from Massachussetts and genuine war hero."

Hillary Clinton- "...between a man and a woman."

Press- "The smartest woman in the world."

Al Gore- "...between a man and a woman."

Press- "Former Vice-President, Nobel Prize winner, Oscar winner, savior of the planet."

Joe Biden- "...between a man and a woman."

Press- "Whew, dodged a bullet; second time this month. Quick, check Guinness!"

Carrie Prejean- "...between a man and a woman."

Press- "Stupid bitch!!!!!!!"

A Fair Warning

As a public safety announcement, I would like to issue a 'heads up' to any and all lefties who would wish to continue to bash Carrie Prejean. For your own safety, please cease and desist immediately. It would be safer to swim with the German Polar Bears.

This is Carrie Prejean.


This is Angry Carrie Prejean.
Hulkette Smash!
Me show Purse Hilton what mean 'Whirled Peas'!

You have been warned.

Coupla Quotes

Sarge Charlie comment on Carrie Prejean-

She is MY Miss USA.

Greg Gutfeld on Perez Hilton-

You can paint a turd pink, but it`s still a turd.

But, It's Earth Day, Man-
Free the 'Horn

Free Ira Einhorn, man. Honor the Earth as he honored the Earth, man. And the pigs got him in prison, man. Everybody knows the C.I.A. framed him, man. That's why the pirates are attacking us, man. Off the HORN of Africa, man. Mother Earth is mad, man.

He also claimed to have been instrumental in creating Earth Day in 1970, and during the first Earth Day event, which was televised globally, Ira Einhorn was on stage as master of ceremonies,...1

He was even shaped kinda like a watermelon, man. But this b*tch, man, she screwed with his head, man.

She had been a fresh, blue-eyed former cheerleader-turned-Bryn Mawr student-turned women's libber when they met in a college café. He, being one of the politically vocal icons of the time, totally overwhelmed her at first.

Physically, they were the odd couple. Einhorn, a hulk of a man, a behemoth at 5' 10" and 230 pounds, wore a prophet's beard, went unbathed and carried a gut that stretched the belly of his undersized, tie-dyed T-shirts to the limit. She, in contrast, bore the carriage of a ballerina, gliding as if on air, petite and whispy, of translucent skin and tiny movements. Her sister later compared her to "a Michelle Pfeiffer". Her smile glowed and brought a ray of sunshine that totally drew attention away from the bear that shuffled beside her.

But, the Beauty found the Beast magnetic and his genius captivating.2

He was deep, man. He even hung out with Jerry Rubin and Abbie Hoffman, man. But the pigs lied about him, man.

But Mr. Einhorn has another line on his resume. In addition to being a environmental guru, he is the Unicorn Killer.

While a student at the University of Pennsylvania, Mr. Einhorn dated a Bryn Mawr College graduate by the name of Holly Maddux. When the affair ended in 1977, Mr. Einhorn went into a jealous rage and murdered her.

He concealed his crime for 18 months by stuffing Ms. Maddux’s body in a trunk that he kept in his apartment. The foul odor of the decomposing corpse coming from Mr. Einhorn’s Powelton Village apartment caused neighbors to complain. In 1979, police found the trunk stored in a closet in Mr. Einhorn’s apartment.3

We need to free Ira, man. He had incompetent counsel or something, man.

Who defended him in during his 1981 conviction?

Arlen Specter, man.

Oh, wow, man!

Suit Filed

The Planet Earth filed suit in Federal Court today, claiming discrimination.

Black History gets the whole month of February. Women's History gets the whole month of March.

Since I have been around a whole lot longer and have endured abuse far more severe than any other group, I should get the whole month of April. I have been raped in innumerable ways. I have been denuded and plowed. People have walked all over me as long as there have been people. I have endured fire, earthquake, flooding, famines, and volcanoes. People have dumped their feces and urine on me.

Earth Day, indeed!

President Obama is expected to meet with the Earth later in the week.

Ladies and Gentlemen-
The Next Governor of California

Here is Miss California's, Carrie Prejean's interview with Neil Cavuto on Fox News:



(H.T. Hot Air.)

Finally... Off the Hook

I'm sure glad that we elected Barack Obama as President this past year. It is paying valuable dividends after only a little more than 3 months.

A couple of days ago, in Port of Spain, Trinidad, President Obama issued me a Presidential pardon- Little ol' me! Presidents traditionally only do that at the very end of their tenures, but President Obama, Iconoclast, would not succumb to outdated tradition to accomplish such an important mission. In addition to me, he also pardoned millions of other Americans as well. This is something he learned from Nicaraguan President Daniel Ortega.

Jake Tapper and Sunlen Miller reported the pardons in ABC News' Political Punch:

"To move forward, we cannot let ourselves be prisoners of past disagreements," President Obama said to the Summit of the Americas this evening. "I'm very grateful that President Ortega did not blame me for things that happened when I was 3 months old."

Buried within this statement was a nugget that stated millions of White Americans have been pardoned of all culpability and dismissed from any guilt over the former American institution of slavery, if it had ended before they turned 3 months old.

I've checked the pertinent public records and I AM IN THE CLEAR! I am no longer a racist. I am no longer to be threatened with reparations!

Free at last. Free at last. Thank God Almighty, I'm free at last!

I knew those Tea Parties would have an effect!

UPDATE: Janeane Garofalo and Al Sharpton on suicide watch.

Concise Tea Party Message

In this post in Big Hollywood, Jimmy Arone outlines Tea Party principles:

What we stand for:

1. Limited Government - As our Founding Fathers recognized, restraint of government is necessary to protect the liberties of the people.

2. Fiscal Responsibility - Government at all levels must learn to live within its means. To saddle future generations with the crushing burden of excess spending is unconscionable.

3. Personal Responsibility - Liberty is unsustainable without responsibility. Each citizen must take responsibility for the consequences of his or her own actions while respecting the rights and dignity of others.

4. The Rule of Law - Consistent, independent and uniform application of law is critical to a free and prosperous society.

5. National Sovereignty - We must maintain a strong national defense, effective security for our borders, and sole control over land and our laws.

Excellent list.

Misunderstanding By Readers

Among my millions of readers, there are several thousand who e-mail me daily and ask why I show such disdain for the President, the Congress, and the Supreme Court. These readers just do not understand that, as a patriotic citizen, I have the utmost respect for the office of the President, the roles of Congress and the Supreme Court as outlined in Articles I, II, & III of The Constitution of the United States.

Who with integrity among us would allow someone in a position we respect to become an embarrassment without trying to warn them? I would never allow my respect for the office become such as this:



In the above case considering Barack Obama, my President, as 'the cousin,' I would never let the embarrassing situation pass at his expense for just a cheap laugh. I would immediately take him aside and privately say, "Mr. President, uhhh, you have a piece of arugula stuck between your teeth."

Tuesday Economics

The Economists in our secret basement laboratory recently set out to evaluate the Obama Administration's economic policy. After thoroughly researching reams of data they unanimously came to a conclusion. But, in order to communicate their findings to the rest of us in the lab they produced the following report:

The Obama Administration's Tuesday Economics
The Obama Administration's economic policy can be explained thusly:

J. Wellington Wimpy loves to eat hamburgers, but is too cheap to pay for them himself. Wimpy is Popeye's friend and is very intelligent, and well educated, but very lazy and gluttonous. His economic policy is demonstrated by Wimpy's attempts to con other citizens of the country into buying his lunch. Wimpy often tries to outwit fellow citizens with his convoluted logic. His famous line is "I'll gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today". He has no intention of actually paying off the debt nor does he care if it ever is.

All the lab researchers, scientists, and staff left the short seminar knowing that they now actually understood Tuesday Economics; Obama's economic policy.

Rule #5 and Courage

Kudos to Carrie Prejean, Miss California. Instead of bowing before the PC altar, she answered the question with her character. It may have cost her the Miss USA crown.

Fox Forum:

Perez Hilton: “Vermont recently became the 4th state to legalize same-sex marriage. Do you think every state should follow suit. Why or why not?”

Prejean: “Well, I think it’s great that Americans are able to choose one or the other. We live in a land where you can choose same-sex marriage or opposite marriage. And you know what, in my country, in my family, I think that I believe that a marriage should be between a man and a woman. No offense to anybody out there, but that’s how I was raised and that’s how I think it should be between a man and a woman. Thank you very much.”

Just one question. Who the hell chose Perez Hilton as a judge for this event?


Perhaps Carrie is now thinking about shooting the turkey.(Photo credit: Bob Hodge?)

(Lance, this is available for use as Badger Blog Alliance Rule #5,
Gun Porn edition.)

(H.T. Don Surber.)

Baraboo strikes a blow!

GENEVA – Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad described the Holocaust as a "pretext" for aggression against Palestinians, prompting European diplomats to walk out of a speech disrupted by jeering protesters in rainbow wigs tossing red clown noses at the hardline leader.

***UPDATED*** & ***BUMPED****
(And Generously Asterisked to Demonstrate the Crucial Importance of this Post)

President Obama, who has been a long-time admirer of Mikhail Gorbachev's slick and smooth socialist style, has announced today that his own efforts have finally achieved the standard of Mr. Gorbachev.

"Late last night my advisers reported that The United States has broken up into 18 different nations, each with decades-long animosity toward the others," the President stated with a gleam in his eye.

Fox News reporter, Hairaldo Riviera, reporting from the bloody Red River southern border of the newly formed Oklahomastan- "I spoke to several militia members here who told me of numerous border skirmishes with Texistan guerilla invaders."

"Our hatred for the Texastanis goes back long before I was even borned," one said, "Great-Great PawPaw told us it started when some Longhorn fans were mean to our Great-Great MeeMaw during a football game in Dallas. So, now I hate Texistanis as much as those reptile Northerstanis."

Just then a heavily armed young Oklahomastani raced frantically into the compound. "Hurry! We need as many men as you can spare. The Arkanstanis have mounted an offensive from Fort Smithengrad!"

(Team photo: jcscuba.)

Port Wine Stain, Jr.

AP -While historic analogies are never perfect, Obama's stark efforts to change the U.S. image abroad are reminiscent of the stunning realignments sought by former Soviet leader Mikhail Gorbachev.

But Obama is outpacing even Gorbachev.

Barackhail Obamachev (Unretouched photo)

(H.T. Don Surber.)

Blue Jeans Do Suck

A famous real Conservative commentator on style:

This is not complicated. For men, sartorial good taste can be reduced to one rule: If George Washington would not have worn it, don't wear it. For women, substitute Martha.

Let's go clubbing.


Time to renew my driver's license.


Just finishing up my community service.


I think Janeane Garofalo likes me.

Gotta go! I hope WalMart carries these fancy duds.

Good Speech

I enjoyed Stacy McCain's Tea Party speech in Alabama. It was good to view him in animation after a rather long period of just reading his written words.

I especially liked his quote of Brig. Gen. Theodore Roosevelt, Jr., after missing his proper landing point on D-Day by a country mile. "We’ll start the war from here!"

It reminded me of a Gimli quote in 'Lord of the Rings', 'The Return of the King'. After a proposal to storm the gates of Mordor, Gimli states, "Certain death. Small chance of success. What are we waiting for?"

If Dwarves and Elves can set aside real differences for a common goal, so can the Conservatives. Still, all the while, they can continue to spat over in-house, family differences.

Kicked in the Gut
By The Gut

One of my regular readers sent me an e-mail today. In it, he was vehemently complaining about Right wing bloggers who had been personally insulting him. This reader is normally a timid, mousy individual who holds grudges against no one and is kind to everyone. But, today Greg Gutfeld got his goat and he was furious.

He referred to this installment of Red Eye in which Greg commented on Janeane Garofalo's appearance on Keith Olbermann. Gutfeld stated that she (Garofalo, not Olbermann) had 'a lizard-like brain'.

That sent this mild mannered person into a frenzy:



He also said that he was so upset that he had to see his psychiatrist in an emergency visit. Here's a portion of his display of feelings:

And I went up there, I said, "Shrink, I want to kill. I mean, I wanna, I wanna kill. Kill. I wanna, I wanna see, I wanna see blood and gore and guts and veins in my teeth. Eat dead burnt bodies. I mean kill, Kill, KILL, KILL."

The doctor prescribed several medications to combat this channeling of lefty anti-war pacifists.

Impact of Obama Move Immediately Felt

Aborting the D.C. school voucher program has shown immediate results in Washington, D.C. area academics:

(Photo credit: FanIQ.)

"Butt, ya do'nt nede ta spel gud to be a suksesfull pro. The Warshintun Natinals r 1-8, 4 games abuv .500."

(H.T. Say Anything Blog.)

Updated Threat Level System

The Department of Homeland Security has updated the threat level warning system to match modern intelligence analysis:

(From Moonbattery.)

Today's status: Orange

It would be Red if Lance would get off his duff and fulfill Part B of Status Level Red.

Inspiration on the Library Shelf

Fausta:

Noticias 24 reports that Chavez gave Obama a book, Las Venas Abiertas de América Latina (Latin America’s Open Veins) by Uruguayan Marxist writer Eduardo Galeano. Obama got up and shook hands again, and again.

A closer inspection of the book jacket shows this to be cover's illustration:



¡Ay, caramba! No wonder Obama is so handshakey happy. That's a picture of federal government providing hope & change with universal security as injected through that syringe and needle.

Hellenic Narcissus

In this story, Americas, a young man, loved Obama but was scorned. As a way of rebuffing Americas, Obama gave him a stimulus package, which Americas used to kill himself on Obama's doorstep; he prayed to Leftus that Obama would one day know the pain of unrequited love. This curse was fulfilled when Obama became entranced by his own reflection in a pool.

(Image by Rich Terrell posted on American Thinker.)

What's All the Fuss About?

There seems to be much outrage over CNN's and MSNBC's News hosts and guests referring to attendees of the Tea Parties as 'teabaggers'- 51 times in 13 minutes. At first look, it would appear that likening peaceful protesters to a faddish sex act is a travesty of journalism. However, a deeper, more thoughtful look at the simile shows it to be ultimately accurate.

Although I was not able to attend a Tea Party in person, I supported and appreciated the effort. I, therefore, would be proud if anyone referred to me as a 'teabagger,' especially when they could never honestly refer to a liberal demonstrator or supporter as one.

The bottom line, the statement made, is that these journalists at least recognize that the Right HAS balls, while the Left does not.

Even this Tea Party sign acknowledges vive le difference
I can live with that.

(Enlightenment inspired by disagreement with 'it & 'ette.)

DHS Simplified

In order to make the recent Office of Intelligence and Analysis Assessment more accessible to the American public, the Department of Homeland Security has produced a summary that can easily be understood by the average American college graduate:

(From iOwnTheWorld.com.)(Click to enlarge.)

This is in order to comply with the Obama Administration's desire to be more transparent.

Alienating the Russians
In the Age of Obama

When Obama is elected, 'The United State of America (name changed to honor President Obama) will again be respected and loved by the world.' (The Globe is warming up to us.)

There seems to be some flaws in that argument. I'm not just talking about France's Sarkozy's dissing of Obama. I'm actually talking about the new American attitude that is infuriating other nations.

Back in 2005, with Bush as President:

In the inaugural edition, "Cocktails 2005," vodka was king

.Now in 2009, with Obama as President:

It's now official (and not a moment too soon): Vodka is passé.

Small wonder that the Russians are getting more obnoxious and antagonistic toward us.

Obama-
Homeland Security Wuss

If President Obama really had any serious concerns about homeland security and the enemies to American from within, he would immediately dump Janet Napolitano as Secretary of Homeland Security. Napolitano merely makes timid inferences concerning the known dangers within our borders. Oh, yeah, like THAT will scare right-wing extremists!
"Mean capitalist right-wingers who read the Constitution are Poopie-Heads!"

"You're Fired!"

Immediately after chucking Janet for paying taxes or something, the President should appoint a real security tiger, Janeane Garofalo to keep us safe:

Which, let's be very honest about what this is about. It's not about bashing Democrats, it's not about taxes, they have no idea what the Boston tea party was about, they don't know their history at all. This is about hating a black man in the White House. This is racism straight up. That is nothing but a bunch of teabagging rednecks.1

I don't know about you, but I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.

Associated racist tweet posted on IMAO:

My problem with Obama is his color: he’s a Red. Except when dealing with terrorists. Then he’s yellow.

(There is absolutely no truth to the nasty rumor that this post was bought and paid for by the Arms & Ammunition Industry of the U.S.)