Sunday, May 31, 2009

Lessons on McCain's Rule 5 Blogging

I am so disappointed at the quality level of Rule 5 blogging gleaned from The Other McCainosphere. Oh, sure, there were some little cuties, some old timers, and some whose gender remain in question. Apparently, however, McCain lacks the 'million hits' teaching skills truly needed for the unwashed masses of bloggers to succeed. As a winner in life's blogging lottery, he really doesn't really care about the poor little bloggers the way the Democrat bloggers do. He must be Big Business union... N.E.A., AFSCME, or something.

Since his ambitious students, especially Lance, tried awfully hard, and only came up with 2nd tier Rule 5 observations, they only garnered 'participation' ribbons.

I have posted here to show them how to exhibit the pinnacle of Rule 5 blogging for all the learn proper technique:

Patience...



Wait for it...



Santa stopped in...



But, we didn't leave him cookies...



We left him CHEESE!



Madonna & Guy

Since Rule 5 participants were not privy to the painting's auction, the bidding did not even reach the $25,000 minimum, let alone the expected $35,000+.

Try and top that, Rule 5 wannabees.

A Warrant for my Arrest?

With a glance into my rear view mirror... Whew! Not a cop. But it could be unmarked. Don't speed, signal that turn, alternate routes, change all patterns.

Who's that walking on the sidewalk in front of my house? No uniform, but could be undercover... Keep walkin', kid. Good. I know those guys are tricky skilled at disguise.

I didn't always feel so paranoid, but now that I know that I am an accomplice to murder, I am waiting for a one-way ticket to the hoosgow at any moment. I aided and abetted the murder of George Tiller in his church yesterday.
...we already know the identities of his accomplices.

They include every one who has ever called Tiller's late term abortion clinic a murder mill.

Who ever called Tiller "Tiller the Killer."

The groups who spent decades fomenting hate toward a man who simply believed that he was serving a purpose by being one of the few doctors in the country performing late-term abortions.

Hate. Not heated opposition. Not strong disagreement.

But blind hatred.

The kind of hate that would prompt some maniac to take a gun into a church and shoot a man to death in front of friends and family.- Mike Hendricks of the Kansas City Star
So now, adding to my list of life's accomplishments, I can now be described as a racist, sexist, homophobic, xenophobic, choice-ophobic, homocidal bigot.

Small wonder I am on Janet Napolitano's list.

(H.T. Lucianne.com.)

A New School School

As FARK calls it, "Preparation for liberal arts degrees."

Paideia students walk in homeless’ shoes:
Only a few days before, Aryelle Cormier, 17, slept in her suburban Gwinnett home by night and and attended The Paideia School by day.

But not now. At the moment, she is homeless. Cormier and 14 of her schoolmates bed down each night on a playground of the Inman Park Cooperative Preschool near downtown Atlanta, an unlikely classroom with stark questions for the typical private school kid...

Many said they felt guilty about having grown up in middle and upper-middle class homes that afforded them so many opportunities. They also felt a second round of guilt for “intruding on the lives” of the homeless.
Experiencing the homeless life: 3 weeks.

Refusing to personally intrude, but rather relegating that to the Feds: 16.2 trillion.

Lifelong guilt for winning life's lottery: Priceless.

Saturday, May 30, 2009

Change We Can Believe In

During both the primary and Presidential campaigns, President Obama promised change. He is walking the walk.

ABC News Senior White House Correspondent Jake Tapper reports some promised change:
President Obama's expressed hope today in his weekly address "that we can avoid the political posturing and ideological brinksmanship that has bogged down this (Supreme Court nomination) process, and Congress, in the past" runs against another historical first for the 44th president: his unique role in history as the first US President to have ever voted to filibuster a Supreme Court nominee.
Newsbusters' Warner Todd Huston reports a second:
Roll Call is reporting that during the typical Friday afternoon document dump -- a practice used to hide actions that might prove somewhat embarrassing to the White House -- the administration quietly announced that some of the former restrictions on lobbying ballyhooed about during the late campaign have been lifted.
That's real change and I believe it.

(H.T. Lucianne.com.)

Chico, Harpo, Groucho, Gummo, Zeppo, & Keith-O



Groucho:All-Star Pics, Keith-O:Handsome World

An Old School School

In California, no less-

American Indian Public Charter School:
Reporting from Oakland -- Not many schools in California recruit teachers with language like this: "We are looking for hard working people who believe in free market capitalism. . . . Multi-cultural specialists, ultra liberal zealots, and college-tainted oppression liberators need not apply."

That, it turns out, is just the beginning of the ways in which American Indian Public Charter and its two sibling schools spit in the eye of mainstream education. These small, no-frills, independent public schools in the hard-scrabble flats of Oakland sometimes seem like creations of television's "Colbert Report." They mock liberal orthodoxy with such zeal that it can seem like a parody...

It would be easy to dismiss American Indian as one of the nuttier offshoots of the fast-growing charter school movement, which allows schools to receive public funding but operate outside of day-to-day district oversight. But the schools command attention for one very simple reason: By standard measures, they are among the very best in California.

The Academic Performance Index, the central measuring tool for California schools, rates schools on a scale from zero to 1,000, based on standardized test scores. The state target is an API of 800. The statewide average for middle and high schools is below 750. For schools with mostly low-income students, it is around 650.
(H.T. Memeorandum.)

Friday, May 29, 2009

Rachel Lied- 50 Million Died

One of the key areas of control for those wishing to engineer their utopian vision upon our culture is the public education system. Critics of American public education claim that it is producing an inferior output. Defenders say that it just needs more funds to do the job properly. Both stances fall directly into the wheelhouse of societal engineers. A poor product means a crisis that only the expert engineers are capable of fixing. Of course, it will cost more, a lot more, but it is for the children, so it is tough to oppose.

Engineers of humanity's development don't really mind education's poor product. Ignorant graduates as well as those who have been inculcated with the desired secular humanitarian mindset; politically correct, multicultural, and non-absolutist, are easily manipulated and engineered.

It should be apparent that more money will not appreciably improve the product. Including all levels, America probably spends around $15,000? per student per year. All kinds of superficial tinkering methods are put forward as solutions. It amounts to lipstick on a pig.

Few, if any, of the education experts propose to revert back to an philosophical foundation that has proven to work in the past. American education was once ready for prime time and prepared its students to compete successfully.

Private, parochial, and home schooling have improved the product, as have voucher systems and virtual schooling. However, these have all seen serious opposition from the experts to varying degrees. Parents, unlicensed teachers, and other non-professionals are considered incapable of adequately educating America's children. But how could that be? Parents and even grandparents have all been educated by the experts already. Public education and compulsory attendance have been the law of the land for generations. How could they be so inferior?

My own educational experience has seen both sides of the philosophical changes that move from local control toward that of state and federal centralized oversight. My three older siblings all attended 'ye olde one-room school house.' I started just after consolidation began, but the old philosophies held sway for several more years. By the time I reached the 7th grade and moved into junior high, things exponentially changed.

One good example comes from my 8th grade Spanish. My teacher required us to learn the following poem:
En este mundo traidor
Nada es verdad ni mentira;
Tes según el color
Del cristal con que se mira.
Ramón de Campoamor (1817-1901)
Translated, that comes to:
In this treacherous world
Nothing is either truth or lie;
Everything depends on the color
Of the crystal that one looks through.
There's some serious diversity, multi-culturalism, and non-absolutism.

This was also about the time that I found and read Rachel Carson's Silent Spring and was bitten by the 'pristine environment vs. evil corporate capitalism' bug. At that age and with the utopianist education pressed upon me I didn't put Carson's thesis to any measure of rigorous testing. It actually took almost 3 decades to see that there was even another side to the story.

This past Wednesday (May 27th) would have been Rachel Carson's 102nd birthday. David Hinz over on The Minority Report gives her a fitting salute.
The Minority Report would like to take this opportunity to honor the birth date of America's number one mass murderer. One hundred and two years ago today, Rachel Carson was born...

That little work of fiction, which has become an anthem for the environmental lobby, single-handedly brought about the ban in this country, and throughout the world, of dichlorodiphenyltrichloroethane, better known as DDT.

As a result of that DDT ban, more than 50 million people, mostly impoverished third world children, have died from Malaria.

And sadly enough, it was all a lie.
Unfortunately, Rachel Carson's methodology is commonplace among the various Leftist movements in our day. It has also been effective. And like me back in the mid-60's, the road to such social engineering tactics has been paved by the modern American public education system.



Thursday, May 28, 2009

Rolling Stones- Environmental Enemies

President Obama is already famous for his cool, calm demeanor. One might assume that because he doesn't fly off the handle, that he has no adequate response to a serious circumstance. This is not the case, however.

Back in early May the British banned the outspoken San Francisco radio personality, Michael Savage from entering their country. Although President Obama did not comment at the time, he still prepared a retaliatory strike that he will soon unveil.

A White House insider, while requiring anonymity, told us of the Administration's plans. President Barack Obama will ban the Rolling Stones from visiting the United States.

The move will be made on advisement by Steven Chu, the U.S. Secretary of Energy. Chu has claimed that the Rolling Stones are evil. The rock band subliminally promoted the destruction of the Earth by their song lyrics effecting the minds of upper middle-aged people all over the planet. He cited these lyrics:
I wanna see it painted, painted black
Black as night, black as coal
I wanna see the sun blotted out from the sky
I wanna see it painted, painted, painted, painted black
Yeah!
These lyrics are from the popular song Paint It Black. The United States cannot just stand by and let Earth-hating mongers range freely upon our soil.

The Administration has prepared the way; made the paths straight, for this strategic move:
Some people believe that nuclear power is the answer to climate change, others have proposed green technologies such as wind or solar power, but Barack Obama's top man on global warming has suggested something far simpler – painting your roof white.

Steven Chu, the US Secretary of Energy and a Nobel prize-winning scientist, said yesterday that making roofs and pavements white or light-coloured would help to reduce global warming by both conserving energy and reflecting sunlight back into space. It would, he said, be the equivalent of taking all the cars in the world off the road for 11 years.
The Earth is happy with Greece.
(Happy butterflies and bunnies not pictured.)
(Alamy)


Secretary Chu also made other recommendations to further reduce anthropocentric global warming that were either not accepted or not yet publicized. One Chu suggestion was to ban dark-skinned, darkly clad people from assembling, as seen below, left, because it would absorb heat and increase global warming, unlike the light-skinned, light color clothing as seen in the picture on the right:


.










Dr. Chu, I smell another Nobel Prize at your doorstep!

The Administration's Public Policy



(H.T. Dissecting Leftism.)

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Burris in Trouble

Did you know that Lance has a twin?























Trouble for some Burris, but not the respectable rest of us.

(Image on left from Lucianne.com; on right from some TrogloPundit lackey.)

Things Once Unthinkable

Pundette:
You borrow and spend at unprecedented, astronomical levels. You expand government exponentially, insist that our health care (and every other) system is broken. Then you wring your hands, declare it all unsustainable, and bleed the country dry with a national sales tax.
Another crisis that has to be handled quickly that only the government can fix.



Like most 'crises', federal and state governments know only one way to handle them.




(Neurons@work.com)




Pundette illustrates the real problem in a picture:



The Conservative response is implied.



Drain the swamp.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

G.M.- Government Motors

Government Motors- The sound of it sent the administration's spin machine into action. Polling showed that moniker made a great deal of the public uncomfortable. The linguistic experts worked overtime to turn this sow's ear into a silk purse. Their brilliant efforts through trial ballooning produced an alternative that polled most excellently with 18-30 year-old citizens. American Motors, that's the ticket.

Apparently, they overlooked the poll numbers for the older set. That data showed that Americans 35 and older...






...thought that it turned a sow's ear into bloody, pus filled, projectile diarrhea.

Sycophancy

I put up a good deal of satire here with President Obama as the apparent target. While I am an opponent of almost all of his stances and policies, he is not my major target. I mostly enjoy making fun of his disciples and the way that they speak and write about the President.

I recently visited a blog for the first time, The Truth in Black and Right, in which I found a phrase that summed up my view of Obama's supporters. I told him that I was going to steal it and am wasting no time:
The leg humping sycophancy of the media.
Chris Matthews, et al., you have understated the 'tingle up your leg.'

Monday, May 25, 2009

Mirroring My Take on Memorial Day

Kurt Schlichter writes in Big Hollywood:
Memorial Day is the perfect occasion to embrace the truth. Do not listen to those who say that it is just another day off where people do nothing but drink beer and eat barbecue with their buddies. That’s a strawman offered up by the bumper sticker set because they fear Memorial Day’s true meaning.

At the risk of being presumptuous, those who gave their lives for our country would want you to gather your buddies and drink beers and eat barbecue... There is a reason that on Memorial Day the flag flies at half-staff only until noon, when it is raised to the top of the pole again. It symbolizes that we honor our dead by going forward with our lives.
I also think that George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, and Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. wouldn't want to be honored by taking the day off from school or work. They would be more honored by people working or studying a little harder on that day.

President Obama Prioritizes Risks

Many critics of President Obama's policies claim that his 'wussification' of foreign policy has emboldened the likes of Iran and North Korea to increase their aggressive pursuit of nuclear weapons. It is also asserted that the Obama doctrine makes the United States more vulnerable to 9/11 type attacks and endangers peace in every region of the world.

What these pajama-clad, armchair policy experts refuse to understand is that President Obama has very wisely prioritized these threats within the entire universe of clear and present dangers. Our President knows that Iran and North Korea present dangers, albeit minor ones. He has chosen, rather, to place emphasis on crises that more seriously jeopardize both the United States and the world.

Public enemies numbers 1 & 2 are most certainly Anthropocentric Global Warming and the lack of Universal Health Care. These situations are far more serious in the overall scheme of things than mere nuclear weapons in the hands of madmen. They are the fevahs that only more Obama Administration cowbell can cure.

MSM Top Story:
Global Warming Victim Dies From Lack of Universal Health Care

When Kim Jong Il, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, and Osama bin Laden see these evils perpetrated by the greed of American capitalists, can you blame them for trying to defend themselves from further American imperialism?

(Photo from AP.)

North Korea's 'Nuclear Test'

News reports from all over the world are claiming that North Korea had carried out an underground nuclear test. In Gateway Pundit's post version he quotes the AP:
North Korea announced Monday that it successfully carried out an underground nuclear test, weeks after threatening to restart its rogue atomic program.

The country's official Korean Central News Agency called Monday's test "part of measures to bolster its nuclear deterrent for self-defense."

President Lee Myung-bak convened an emergency security session. His spokesman, Lee Dong-kwan, confirmed that a nuclear test may have been carried out in the North.

Seismologists from the U.S., South Korea and Japan reported earthquakes in an northeastern area, where North Korea conducted a nuclear test in 2006.

A 4.7-magnitude earthquake was registered in northeastern North Korea at 9:54 a.m. (0054 GMT), the U.S. Geological Survey said.
The study done by our secret basement laboratory's scientists and researchers have concluded differently, however. The research was done by 3 of our nuclear physicists, 2 nukyoolar weapons scientists, and 3 North Korean cultural experts.

Citing from their paper published this morning:
We unanimously conclude that the 4.7-magnitude seismic reverberation was not due to an underground nuclear detonation. We highly suspect that Kim Jong Il and Kim Jong Woon's personal underground kimchi (In North Korea its name has been changed to kim jong chi.) production facility suffered an unfortunate fermentation accident.

Bite-sized chunks of partially fermented cabbage were found as far away as Manila, Vladivostok, and Honolulu.

Knowing that Western news outlets would bite on any cover-up propaganda, the North Koreans chose to use this culinary explosion to perpetuate their bad boy, rogue regime, dangerous, blackmail-the-West image.

Obama's Common Ground

In his commencement speech at Notre Dame a short time ago, President Obama:
...used the controversy surrounding his Notre Dame address Sunday as a lesson on the need to bridge cultural divides in America, as he urged graduates to seek common ground on issues, like abortion, that stir passion on both sides.

But Obama called for "open hearts, open minds, fair-minded words" in the midst of such persistent debates.


Common Ground

(Rootsweb.ancestry.com)

Open Hearts, Open Minds

(Breathe-easier.com)

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Labels- Warning & Union

Warning: When using this Off-Road Commode it is suggested that you stop driving first.

(CraziestGadgets.com)

We are getting used to goofy warning labels on all types of products these days. "This fork is intended for the use of placing food in your mouth. It is not recommended that you swallow fork or jam it in your eye." I suspect this is a result of our public education system embedded in a rights oriented, irresponsible, and litigious culture.

Sometimes one just has to wonder why some labels lack warnings that seem necessary. For example, the following label included no reasonable warnings whatsoever:

Perhaps I am wrong and there actually was a warning included with this label:

Look for this union label
When you are buying that politician or judge.
Remember somewhere our union's waning,
Our wages taken to feed the lobby, to turn health care to sludge.
We work hard, and we are gaining.
Thanks to the S.E.I.U. we're getting our way!
So always look for the union label,
It says we're able to make it a socialist U.S.A.!


I'll chalk that up to the public education system.

(H.T. Lucianne.com.)

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Obama Identifies Our Enemies

Gleaning from the nuances and subtleties of President Obama's recent speeches, I have been able to identify many of America's greatest enemies. Here are some mugshots:

Fallible Blogma


Kasama


Gold is Money


Pharma Marketing Blog


Families Online Magazine


Redreaming the Dream



Especially that last guy...
Very dangerous!


UPDATE: Lee Cary names each of the above pictured 7 straw men in his American Thinker article.

(Update H.T. Lucianne.com.)

Got Warrant?

I know my rights:
The Belgian bodybuilding championships have been called off after all the competitors fled in a panic when testers from the anti-drugs agency showed up.
In a related story:
The White House and Democratic controlled Congress fled with all their staff members on an emergency recess in a panic when testers from a lie-detection agency showed up.

(H.T. Wicked Thoughts.)

Don't Wait 'Til the Last Minute

The great American holiday is just around the corner. Obamas, or O-mas, is August 4th and will be here before you know it. So begin your preparations today.

Beside the traditional liberal gift giving and Halloween-like collections that are expected for the celebrations, especially for the children, there are the Obamas Eve parties and Obamas Day rituals that must be followed. It can be a hectic time, but should be used as a time of reflection and thanksgiving. That is why we here at Grandpa John's encourage early preparations.

The very best thing about this revered American holiday is that no one will ever be offended when you greet them with a hearty "Merry Obamas!" and don't have to say "Happy holidays."




In order to get you into the spirit, we will do some traditional Obamas blog-caroling:
O come, all ye faithful, joyful and triumphant,
O come ye, O come ye, to Washington.
Come and behold Him, born to save us from the Pubbie elephant;

O come, let us adore Him,
O come, let us adore Him,
O come, let us adore Him,
Obama the Lord.



A'one and a'two...
Your chestnuts roasting on an open fire
Jack Frost nipping at your nose
Global Warming carols being sung by a choir
And folks dressed up like Eskimos
A'uno y a'dos...
Feliz Navidad
Feliz Navidad
Feliz Navidad
Prospero Ano y Felicidad.

I wanna wish you a Merry Obamas
I wanna wish you a Merry Obamas
I wanna wish you a Merry Obamas
From the bottom of your wallet.
I hope this post brought you to a proper sense of early holiday cheer.

Traditional Obamas poem:
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a gigantic coffer, and eight tiny brains here,
With the President as driver, so fashionably black,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Barack.

More rapid than pickpockets his counselors came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and call'd them by name:
"Now! Pelosi, now! Biden, now! Geithner, now Reid,,
"On! Rahm, on! Kerry, on! Ayers and Reverend Wright, indeed;

"To top the last deficit! to top the world's debt!
"Now dash away! dash away! dash away without regret!"

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Urinal Technique Malfunction

I hate it when that happens.



(H.T. Say Anything Blog.)

The Times, They Are A'Changin'

Kim and Pepsi



Kim and Isabella

I've never been so proud.

Every Wednesday evening, the youth group at our church starts the meeting by picking a question, randomly, from a box. Everybody then has to answer that question.

Last night, the question was: "Who is your favorite Winnie the Pooh character?"

Both my younger sons chose Piglet. Because...



...they like pork.

[wipes away tear]

THE McCain

Burt Prelutsky strikes again:
When George W. Bush and the GOP were in control from 2000-2006, the Democrats complained, generally without cause, that they didn’t have enough influence, that the Republicans didn’t reach out to them, even though John McCain, to name one, spent so much time reaching out that Cindy McCain began to worry that she’d lost her husband to Russ Feingold or Ted Kennedy.
Personal side note to Burt: Our lab scientists have been working on that vaccine for years. The only successes to date have also been fatal. (Some suggest that we market that one.)

Happy Cows From California

Dude, like, which way to the, like, U.S. Treasury?

(Photo: Green Living.)

Yous taxpayers been complainin' about Pork? Too bad... it sucks to be you. But now you even know the answer to the question,
"Where's the Beef?"

Green Road Test

Machine head, Jeremy Clarkson road tests the new Honda Insight 1.3 IMA SE Hybrid for the U.K.'s Timesonline.


Summary:
It’s the first car I’ve ever considered crashing into a tree, on purpose, so I didn’t have to drive it any more.
Clarkson's opinion goes downhill from there.

Clarkson's final verdict:



"Good only for parting the smug from their money."


UPDATE: In the next issue, Barack Obama road tests America:
It’s the only country I’ve ever considered crashing into a tree, on purpose, so I didn’t have to apologize for it any more.

(H.T. Commonsense & Wonder.)

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

One of These Guys Should Be Insulted

Via Newsbusters
In a May 19 segment on his "Hardball" program about global warming, MSNBC's Chris Matthews interviewed Reps. Jim Moran, D-Va., and Dana Rohrabacher, R-Calif., who had opposing views on the issue. However, Matthews attacked Rohrabacher, a global warming skeptic, as someone ignorant of science.

"Congressman Rohrabacher, are you a Luddite, a troglodyte? Are you a part of ‘The Planet of the Apes' that doesn't want science? Where would you place yourself in this argument?" Matthews asked.
Ms. Matthews, you shouldn'ta outta said that 'cause one of these guys is agonna git ya. It'll probably be Rohrabacher 'cause Lance will just enjoy the extra blog hits.

Congressman Rohrabacher & The Troglopundit

Pundette Channels Steyn

So I have to translate to the level of my readers.

Jill excerpts from a month old Mark Steyn post on The Corner titled "Auto Demography."

Parsing for the culturally sick, intellectually lame, and mentally lazy:

American production after implementation of Obama's auto emission decrees:

(Say Anything Blog)


The American people adapt to the evolving standards with smaller families:

(Dwars Door De Lens)

But, at least the 2nd Amendment lives another day.


Rush Is Wrong

About GUANTANAMO:
Senator Dick Durbin: "According to experts, Guantanamo, unfortunately, has become a recruiting tool for Al-Qaeda that is hurting America's security."

Rush Limbaugh: "Al-Qaeda uses it as propaganda to recruit terrorists in the Middle East, to show how evil we are to terrorists at Club Gitmo.

Ohhh! Oh, I get it. I get it. So it's all part of this theory that we create more terrorists. I got you. Okay. There aren't any stories out there to that effect, or there are no stories. There's no empirical evidence. There's more evidence that we evolved from that lemur monkey, 47 million years old, than there is that Guantanamo Bay created more terrorists."
Rush misses the point here, but he can be forgiven since the report by the Middle East experts in our secret basement laboratory has not yet been forwarded to him.

Our experts, while visiting the Middle East, compiled tons of evidence that the existence of Guantanamo indeed aided in the recruiting of young Arab men into the services of Al-Qaeda and similar terroristic organizations. Report extract:
Typical conversation between two Arab young men would commonly go something like this:

Sadiq: "The Al-Qaeda recruiter is in town today. Are you going down to sign up?"

Hasan: "Are you kidding? The Americans are kickin' Al-Qaeda ass all over the planet. And if they capture you instead of killing you they send you to some hell hole like Guantanamo."

Sadiq: "Guantanamo? We should be so lucky. It's even better'n stayin' at the Bagdad Hilton. Ya get three squares a day of the best Arab food and generally get treated like kings. Cousin Raghib is there and really is packin' on the pounds.

They give ya a Quran and prayer mat and let you do all of your rituals."

Hasan: "But the New York Times says they torture you in a most sadistic way!"

Sadiq: "Camel droppings! Sometimes they give you the evil eye and talk mean and yell or put a crawly bug on you, but they are so soft that they even make Uncle Pasha look like The Great Satan."

Hasan: "Wow, I'm tired of herding these stinky goats all day. I'm going to sign up right now!"

Sadiq: "Me, too! Let's went, Cisco!"

Limbaugh Resigns, Powell Toasts Country Clubbers

The titular head should really be a titular Republican and Powell will lead the Party into the normalization of sucking hind electoral tit.


(Rush.)

Not to be Confused with Our Secret Basement Laboratory

And this Grandpa John is not to be confused with our Grandpa John:



The irony is that Grandpa John's curricula is approached from a Christian perspective and we do use it in our secret basement laboratory's child care center.

Other unrelated Grandpa Johns:

Grandpa John's Kettle Cooked Pork Cracklins.

Grandpa John's Junkyard. (Cue Sanford & Son theme music.)

Grandpa John's Rib Shack in Peoria.

Grandpa John's Amazing Maze (& Pumpkin Patch).

Grandpa John's Swiss Mountain Retreat.

Grandpa John's Wooden Toys.

Grandpa John's Cafe.

However, although this guy is a grandpa and was arrested for being a john, we don't consider him a legitimate Grandpa John.

(From Jungle's Wife)

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Comparative Neuroanatomy

Now that Barack Obama is President it is time to update the progress of human evolution in the area of neuroanatomy. Although evolution is normally a very slow process, anthropocentric global warming and the rise to power of the Obama/Biden/Pelosi/Reid brain trust has enabled an acceleration of the process:

Click for clarity.


It has 'trickled down' to the animal kingdom as well:



(Bottom photo H.T. Heather Radish.)

Pandemic Gone Viral

I was awakened this morning by our two cats licking my back and our dog licking my butt instead of her own. I thought this a little odd and I did feel a little funny. When I went into the bathroom and glanced up at the mirror this is what I saw. "Hmmm," I thought, "am I putting on a little more weight?" Then I noticed a couple of 'zits' that I hadn't noticed before.

I went to the doctor and, after a couple of tests, he diagnosed my condition as F1BP1. Many uncouth, unscientific bloggers call it the Filthy Blog Pox. He said that I probably contracted it while having any sort of contact with an unhygienic cave dweller and that it is really going around. The doc wrote a prescription that said I should wash my blogging pajamas more than once a year, whether they need it or not, post 8 random things about myself, and pass the disease on to other bloggers. The last two requirements are pretty easy, but I fear that if I wash my lucky pajamas, I will jeopardize my virile blogging mojo.
1. I once was a very liberal hippie vegan and voted for both George McGovern and Jimmy Carter.

2. Jesus Christ took me into His Kingdom in 1982 while riding my bicycle in Victoria, Texas.

3. I met my wife in a psych ward. She was the unit nurse and readied a syringe with Thorazine before someone told her that I was a 'float' working there and was not a patient. We married in 1998. I was 46. I now have 5 grandchildren, all ages 4 and below. Those squirts are a lot of fun.

4. I served in the U.S. Army in the early 1970's as an M.P. After receiving orders for Viet Nam and going to Oakland, California to ship out, my orders were changed and I served my tour near Stuttgart, West Germany.

5. I like cats even better than dogs.

6. Once as a high school wrestler, I came back on the Monday after Thanksgiving weekend 161/2 lbs. overweight with a Tuesday night match looming. I made weight and won my Tuesday match.

7. I listen to Rush Limbaugh at work.

8. I may very well have as much fun blogging as anyone on the planet.
I hack a loogie full of F1BP1 infected phlegm on tee bee, Ling Carter, and Snaggletoothie Chris.

Open Hearts, Open Minds, Fair-Minded Words

God gave Obama wisdom and very great insight, and a breadth of understanding as measureless as the sand on the seashore. Obama's wisdom was greater than all the wisdom of all the men of America, and greater than all the wisdom of the civilized world. He was wiser than any other man, including Joe the V.P.- wiser than Nancy, Harry, George W. and Jeb, the sons of Bush. And his fame spread to all the surrounding nations. He spoke three thousand sound bites and his cliches numbered a thousand and five. Men of all nations came to listen to Obama's wisdom, sent by all the leaders of the world, who had heard of his wisdom.

Two groups that were disputing an issue came to Obama to judge in the matter. One group claimed that they had a right to do what they wanted with their own bodies, that a pregnancy was like a disease to be cured, and that a fetus was just a blob of cells like cancer. They demanded that abortion be kept legal, safe, and inexpensive.

The other group argued that a fetus was a developing little human being and should be given any and all rights and respect due to others. They asserted that abortion was murder of the innocent.

Obama listened intently to this great question with an open heart, deeply pondered the arguments with an open mind, and offered these fair-minded words, "Bring me my sword. I will cut the fetus in two and give half to the pro-lifer fanatics to raise as their own and half to the pro-choicers to do a spinning 360 tomahawk slam into a dumpster."

When all MSM journalists and progressives heard the verdict The One had given, they held the President in awe, because they saw that he had wisdom from Gaia to administer social justice.

Monday, May 18, 2009

5th Birthday Soon

Back on June 8th, 2004, Grandpa John logged the first post on Grandpa John's. It began with 4 regular posters; two Conservative Christians, one Liberal Atheist, and one Libertarian Atheist.

I've gone back and spent some time reading from the early days. What a riot! It's a good thing that we lived in four different cities.

In honor of these memories, I will be posting archival excerpts from time to time:
Never judge a man until you've walked a mile in his shoes. Then you'll be a mile away, have his shoes, and can say anything you like.1
TOPIC: Abraham Lincoln was neither a breast-supporting women's undergarment, nor the upper hind leg of a hog, nor even an expensive luxury automobile. But... did he exist? Why or why not believe this? Discuss!2
So, a grandchild on the way, being likened to the idiot, and suffering from the flu... unrelated facts or circumstances of life? Nay, nay, I tell you! These are integral clusters of pixels forming a single coherent picture of meaning. These situations point out very plainly to the discerning mind that 1) I am a phlegming idiot, and 2) that I am an expectorant grandfather.

Now isn't that definitive proof of intelligent design, you dogmatic offspring of Beelzebub and High Priests of the Temple of Darwin ?3
Effigies? What for? You should use the real guy!4

Heteropaternal Superfecundation

A couple of the geneticists in our secret basement laboratory had shared their suspicions about this a couple of months ago:
Paternity tests then revealed what had happened — two eggs had been fertilized by two different sperm and there was a 99.99% chance the twins had different dads.
The surprised mother realized that the 'enchanted evening' in Havana's Copacabana Lounge and Hotel several decades ago was not just a product of a drug induced haze. Her encounters with both Fidel Castro and the visiting Robert Mugabe must have done the two tricks. She had long wondered how she ended up with that box of Cuban cigars and a 1 Billion Zimbabwean Dollar Banknote.



(H.T. Lucianne.com.)

Eat Your Heart Out, Michelle Obama

Check out these guns!



Kimberly's arms, we determined, were transformational. Her arms are representative of a new kind of woman: young, strong, vigorous, intelligent, accomplished, an excellent shot, sexual, powerful, embracing and, most of all, loving.

Mother's Day was just last week. Today we should celebrate Kimberly's arms as the arms of a mother. (Her first child was born on this past May 14th.)

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Rule 5 Can Be Dangerous

In How to Get a Million Hits on Your Blog in Less Than a Year, Robert Stacy McCain, major contributor on The Other McCain, touts the hit-drawing value of 'advertising' your blog with the liberal use of photos of beautiful women. Sex sells.

As true as that may be, it is not without possible pitfalls. For example:

WPRI.com


Elizabeth is definitely Rule 5 worthy. However, our paths crossing produced a consumer related video on an area TV station that was instrumental in our inclusion as defendants in a defamation lawsuit. While all of the other defendants are now out of the picture, our two year battle promises to continue for another full year.

To her credit, Elizabeth's video was accurate and our inclusion into the suit prompted us to counter sue and win at the circuit level. The defamation case has also been dismissed. If we prevail at the appellate level, we will get a modest sum to help us fix the house. The 5 law firms that have been involved, however, will be sharing in a million+ dollar bounty.

Some of the action has been posted here, there, yonder, aqui, ova dare, under here, and hither.


Be Careful with Rule 5 Daisy Duken'
Elizabeth in Nashville


C'mon, Elizabeth, where are the Daisy Dukes?